- I eat basically nothing. I ask for maybe 5 things whenever my mother does a grocery run, and yet I'm lucky if I get 2 of them. THEN, when I mark whatever I DO get as my own so that no one will eat the ONLY FOOD I HAVE, someone eats it anyway. Because apparently, the entire refridgerator, pantry, and multiple cupboards full of food aren't enough, and the only stuff anyone wants is whatever is on my one measly little shelf.
- I have a severe case of germophobia, and can't even brush against someone without practically having a conniption. It is for this reason that I KNOW I have to have been adopted, because my family is disgusting. My sister refuses to wear pants; my brother never washes his hands and has no idea what a tissue is; my older brother likes to remind me of everything I've ever even touched that was recycled, and how dirty it must be. My mother is no better, because she ALLOWS all of this to happen! She still lets my almost 12-year old sister take baths with my 7-year-old brother because it saves water. Okay, A) that CAN'T be good for their mental development, and B) they are both literally WASHING themselves with each other's FILTH! I'm fairly certain that normal people do not use dirty bath water and try to see their siblings naked. That's gross.
- My dad is even worse than the rest of my family when it comes to cleanliness. I don't think he's EVER covered his mouth, and he seems to enjoy spreading his germs everywhere. For two years, I had to ride to and from school with him, and every day for two years, he would eat eggs right before we left, and then keep the windows of the car up and locked. I very nearly threw up many times, and I can't even stomach the thought of eating any kind of egg anymore, which is sad because I already don't eat anything and I used to love scrambled eggs. Another thing is that WITHOUT FAIL, every time I'm in the kitchen making something, he'll walk over, stand right by my unprotected food, and burp. Do you realize how many meals I've thrown out because I couldn't make myself eat them? I was too repulsed by what my own father had just done that I couldn't think about anything but the nasty burp particles that undoubtedly were covering my food. Ew.
- I have multiple mental issues, that I'm sure I listed in a previous post, and yet no one in my family believes I have them. Or if they do, they don't deem them serious enough to worry about. For example, they all KNOW that I'm revolted by the thought of sharing cups with them, and for that reason I have my own set. Well, that's obviously not important to them, because I've caught them drinking from MY OWN cups multiple times. I really don't understand how they could make that mistake, when my cups look nothing like theirs, and are even on MY shelf. They're there for a reason, guys, and that reason is not so you can take them.
- I'm completely self-sustainable. I do my own laundry, I clean my own room, I make my own food, and I would do my own dishes if I didn't have to touch everyone else's to get to them. I even own half of the things in my room, seeing as how I either bought them with my own money, got them for free, or recieved them as gifts from other people. And yet, everone seems to think that I'm so high-maintenance. I ask for MAYBE 3 things a year, and am lucky if I get one. I've been asking for a cat my whole LIFE, and I still haven't gotten one, but oh no, I can't ask for anything, because that would be completely unreasonable. My sister has gotten over 60 Justin Bieber posters, and that's not even counting all the other merchandise she's gotten. My brother keeps getting more and more toys every other week, and he doesn't even have a room to put them in. My mom goes to the mall solely to buy soap, perfume, and candles. I ask for one thing that's less that any of those, and certainly less than everything my sister's gotten combined, and it's the end of the world. Why should I have something I want when I've asked for SO MUCH in the past!? I didn't even get the one thing I asked for for Christmas, but Veronica got a freaking life-sized cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber! Yeah, he sucks anyway, but it's the principle of the thing.
- I have been dragged to so many things I didn't want to go to it's not funny. I was forced to go to Vermont over the summer, I had to go to Disney World with my family TWICE, even though I was 14 the first time we went, and I can't TELL you how many overnight beach trips we've been on. I hate the beach. And hotels. And family trips. I suggested once that we go somewhere else for my birthday, and we instead went to a wedding and Vermont. How is that the least bit fair? I haven't even been back to Pensacola in over a year, and that's where all my friends are! It's like they WANT me to be a hermit.
- I've moved WAY too many times. You see, my family has a history of mental problems anyway, so uprooting me every 1-3 years was never going to be a good idea. Now, almost 10 years after the first move, I'm so mentally scarred that I'm freaking terrified of going to college because I have no idea what to do in that situation. What if something comes up and I have to move again? What if I make one good friend and they leave? What if it takes me a year to finally fit in? These are all things I've dealt with in the past, and I'll probably never get over them. I'm NOT a go-with-the-flow kind of person, but that's not stopped them from acting like I am. Everyone assures me that it will get easier as I get older, but that's not the case and now I'm left with a very real fear of change and the thought of moving at least twice more before my life is over, and that's if I stay in one place for the rest of my life (which I'm not entirely opposed to). Of course, no one thinks to ask me how it's affecting me, but why should I expect them to understand when they don't even respect me enough not to eat my food?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Why I Need My Own Place
Recently, my family and I haven't been getting on so well, and no matter what I say, I end up being portrayed as the mean, ungrateful jerkface child. Nothing I've done indicates that this is the case, but my family members are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't realize how badly I actually have it, even when I'm screaming it at their faces. Shall we go over some examples? Let's begin:
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
A Rare Look Into My Mind
I don't know why, but something made me want to write all about my various mental problems, so here goes. I:
Am Nocturnal- I only sleep during the day. I've tried many times to switch my schedule around, but it only ever lasts a few days before I end up back to normal. Yes, I consider this completely normal for me. I don't like sunlight, noise, or people in general, so being awake at night ensures that I'll be able to avoid all of those. It works.
Am A Hypochondriac- I diagnose myself with all kinds of illnesses, whether they're mental of physical. Keep that in mind as you read the rest of this.
Am Supposedly Allergic- to pineapple, heat, people, garlic, and germs. Can't stand any of them.
Am Germophobic- I HATE germs of all kinds. I keep a can of Lysol and some Germ-X within reach at all times. I have my own bathroom, my own cups, and disinfectant wipes in almost every room of the house. This is so not a joke for me.
Am Arachnophobic- I'm terrified of spiders. Or any bug, really, but mostly spiders. The bad thing is that they seem to follow me. No matter where I am, it seems I'm destined to find a bug of some sort. Also, when I see them, I enter a state of virtual paralysis. I don't scream, run, or reach for the flyswatter; instead, I stand completely still, hyperventilate a bit, and finally reach for the phone (once I'm sure the bug's not coming after me) to call someone else in the house to come kill it. I've had very few successes whenever I've tried to kill it myself, so I tend to avoid it.
Can't scream- It's not physically possible. When I'm scared, I become paralyzed (see above); when I'm excited, I tend to screech; when I'm exhiliarated, I laugh. It's weird, but I have never once screamed instinctively, and when I try to make myself scream, it comes out like a raspy yell. Maybe it's from damaging my voice so much, losing it every year without fail, or maybe it's just hereditary since my mother seems to have a similar problem. I don't know, but it's really strange.
Can't live with people- Or, more specifically, my family. Seriously, there are days when I find everything they do revolting. I can not have anyone touching my things, especially my cups, and I really hate talking. I can put up with it for a little while, but once I get tired of a conversation, I become irritable and generally unpleasant. Also, my family seems to like to have the same exact conversations every time they talk to me, so you can understand if I get a bit frusterated. I can only hear "put your cups in the sink" so many times before any combination of the words makes me want to scream (which I can't do, anyway, making it even more aggravating). The worst part is that we all have bad tempers, so our "conversations" more often than not can lead to yelling, and even a few instances of throwing (mostly by me). You see, being a hermit is starting to seem like a really good option for me. Or a vampire.
Have a really short temper- I've been really into my heritage lately, and I've managed to find out that I was basically doomed to be mad by my ancestors. You see, my mom's grandfather sailed over here from Italy, so I've got a bit of an Italian temper. Her mother was straight French, as was most of my father's side, so I've got a very French attitude. On top of all that, my great-great grandmother on my mom's side was supposedly part Irish, making my temper downright explosive. I've managed to keep it all in check most of the time with a mask of indifference, but really any small thing can set me off, so watch out.
Laugh- For some reason, I laugh at everything, whether I'm happy, sad, livid, or any other emotion I may be feeling. There have been times when I wanted to literally rip someone's head off because I was that mad, but they didn't take me seriously, because I'd start laughing. I have no idea why I'm like that, but don't let my laughing fool you. Chances are, I'm not at all happy.
Burn in sunlight- I'm not talking like surnburn burning, either; I'm talking about there's smoke coming from my bright red arm and I'm only sitting at the kitchen table burning. I can't be in the sunlight for more than a few minutes before I start getting really uncomfortable and red. It's not fun, and fairly vampiric.
Faint in heat- I seriously can't be hot. It makes me light-headed, and has even burned me. I can get sick, become even clumsier than normal, and even pass out, so it's essential that I stay cool. That's one of the things I don't miss about Florida; it's WAY too hot in the summers.
Can't focus- on anything that doesn't interest me greatly. Schoolwork is absolute torture, because I can't make myself do it if it's that boring. I can't re-read a book unless I've either not read it in the past six months or read a bunch of other books since the last time because it will seem repetitive and dull, even if I love the book. I have to really be into something or else I want nothing to do with it.
That's really all I can think of at the moment, but I might think of something later and post it. I'm going to try (again) to write more often, but no promises. Hopefully, no one thinks I'm crazy because of this post, but if you do, I can't really blame you.
My next post will hopefully be about my Vermont trip last July, so keep your eyes open for that. Until then, later.
Am Nocturnal- I only sleep during the day. I've tried many times to switch my schedule around, but it only ever lasts a few days before I end up back to normal. Yes, I consider this completely normal for me. I don't like sunlight, noise, or people in general, so being awake at night ensures that I'll be able to avoid all of those. It works.
Am A Hypochondriac- I diagnose myself with all kinds of illnesses, whether they're mental of physical. Keep that in mind as you read the rest of this.
Am Supposedly Allergic- to pineapple, heat, people, garlic, and germs. Can't stand any of them.
Am Germophobic- I HATE germs of all kinds. I keep a can of Lysol and some Germ-X within reach at all times. I have my own bathroom, my own cups, and disinfectant wipes in almost every room of the house. This is so not a joke for me.
Am Arachnophobic- I'm terrified of spiders. Or any bug, really, but mostly spiders. The bad thing is that they seem to follow me. No matter where I am, it seems I'm destined to find a bug of some sort. Also, when I see them, I enter a state of virtual paralysis. I don't scream, run, or reach for the flyswatter; instead, I stand completely still, hyperventilate a bit, and finally reach for the phone (once I'm sure the bug's not coming after me) to call someone else in the house to come kill it. I've had very few successes whenever I've tried to kill it myself, so I tend to avoid it.
Can't scream- It's not physically possible. When I'm scared, I become paralyzed (see above); when I'm excited, I tend to screech; when I'm exhiliarated, I laugh. It's weird, but I have never once screamed instinctively, and when I try to make myself scream, it comes out like a raspy yell. Maybe it's from damaging my voice so much, losing it every year without fail, or maybe it's just hereditary since my mother seems to have a similar problem. I don't know, but it's really strange.
Can't live with people- Or, more specifically, my family. Seriously, there are days when I find everything they do revolting. I can not have anyone touching my things, especially my cups, and I really hate talking. I can put up with it for a little while, but once I get tired of a conversation, I become irritable and generally unpleasant. Also, my family seems to like to have the same exact conversations every time they talk to me, so you can understand if I get a bit frusterated. I can only hear "put your cups in the sink" so many times before any combination of the words makes me want to scream (which I can't do, anyway, making it even more aggravating). The worst part is that we all have bad tempers, so our "conversations" more often than not can lead to yelling, and even a few instances of throwing (mostly by me). You see, being a hermit is starting to seem like a really good option for me. Or a vampire.
Have a really short temper- I've been really into my heritage lately, and I've managed to find out that I was basically doomed to be mad by my ancestors. You see, my mom's grandfather sailed over here from Italy, so I've got a bit of an Italian temper. Her mother was straight French, as was most of my father's side, so I've got a very French attitude. On top of all that, my great-great grandmother on my mom's side was supposedly part Irish, making my temper downright explosive. I've managed to keep it all in check most of the time with a mask of indifference, but really any small thing can set me off, so watch out.
Laugh- For some reason, I laugh at everything, whether I'm happy, sad, livid, or any other emotion I may be feeling. There have been times when I wanted to literally rip someone's head off because I was that mad, but they didn't take me seriously, because I'd start laughing. I have no idea why I'm like that, but don't let my laughing fool you. Chances are, I'm not at all happy.
Burn in sunlight- I'm not talking like surnburn burning, either; I'm talking about there's smoke coming from my bright red arm and I'm only sitting at the kitchen table burning. I can't be in the sunlight for more than a few minutes before I start getting really uncomfortable and red. It's not fun, and fairly vampiric.
Faint in heat- I seriously can't be hot. It makes me light-headed, and has even burned me. I can get sick, become even clumsier than normal, and even pass out, so it's essential that I stay cool. That's one of the things I don't miss about Florida; it's WAY too hot in the summers.
Can't focus- on anything that doesn't interest me greatly. Schoolwork is absolute torture, because I can't make myself do it if it's that boring. I can't re-read a book unless I've either not read it in the past six months or read a bunch of other books since the last time because it will seem repetitive and dull, even if I love the book. I have to really be into something or else I want nothing to do with it.
That's really all I can think of at the moment, but I might think of something later and post it. I'm going to try (again) to write more often, but no promises. Hopefully, no one thinks I'm crazy because of this post, but if you do, I can't really blame you.
My next post will hopefully be about my Vermont trip last July, so keep your eyes open for that. Until then, later.
Catching You Up
Okay, so I realize it's been a while since I've posted anything, but really there's nothing going on here worth talking about. My trip to Vermont back in July was just as bad as I'd imagined, and I'll hopefully have a post up about it soon (read: if I ever get around to it). I still have yet to start school again, but I DO have all of the necessary materials. Except a desk. That's really the only reason I haven't started; it's not like I can do my work at the kitchen table, surrounded by half-eaten brownies (Jameson) and various Justin Bieber posters (Veronica).
On a different note, my older brother has moved back in, so I've given up my room in the basement for one at the top of the stairs. The good part is that I still have my own bathroom and I'm just down the hall from the laundry room. The bad thing is that, yet again, I have a door that doesn't lock. Also, the walls are paper thin, so I can't listen to music at 3am and expect not to wake anyone up. I kind of wish I'd stayed downstairs with all the bugs.
Another horrible thing about having my brother live here is the abuse. Okay, so maybe abuse is too strong of a word, but it's still bad. On about a weekly basis, I find myself being pelted with Nerf darts and criticized for my taste in books and movies. Of course, Jameson finds this all hilarious. I just find it rude.
The only other thing that I can think of to talk about is the arrival of our new sugar gliders. Their names are Al and Scylla (everyone else calls the boy Joey, but I've renamed him), and they are beasts. Al's not so bad, but Scylla was very accurately named. She became Scylla after attacking everyone and developing an "I will fight you" face. I felt it was only appropriate to name her after a monster from Greek mythology, since she's a lot like me, and I'm fascinated by it.
So, now I've pretty much caught you up on everything that's been happening. Next post will take a look into the mind of a mentally unstable person. Fun.
On a different note, my older brother has moved back in, so I've given up my room in the basement for one at the top of the stairs. The good part is that I still have my own bathroom and I'm just down the hall from the laundry room. The bad thing is that, yet again, I have a door that doesn't lock. Also, the walls are paper thin, so I can't listen to music at 3am and expect not to wake anyone up. I kind of wish I'd stayed downstairs with all the bugs.
Another horrible thing about having my brother live here is the abuse. Okay, so maybe abuse is too strong of a word, but it's still bad. On about a weekly basis, I find myself being pelted with Nerf darts and criticized for my taste in books and movies. Of course, Jameson finds this all hilarious. I just find it rude.
The only other thing that I can think of to talk about is the arrival of our new sugar gliders. Their names are Al and Scylla (everyone else calls the boy Joey, but I've renamed him), and they are beasts. Al's not so bad, but Scylla was very accurately named. She became Scylla after attacking everyone and developing an "I will fight you" face. I felt it was only appropriate to name her after a monster from Greek mythology, since she's a lot like me, and I'm fascinated by it.
So, now I've pretty much caught you up on everything that's been happening. Next post will take a look into the mind of a mentally unstable person. Fun.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Monday
Today is Monday. You know, just in case you couldn't tell by the post title. Anyway, I have nothing to do today*, so I thought I'd write something on here. Mind you, whatever I write will be completely pointless and most likely the most boring thing you've ever read, but keep in mind that you chose to read this. Well, now that I've successfully put you to sleep, I'm sure you won't mind if I write all about what's going to be happening in the next few months.
July- I'm being forced by my mother to visit my family in Vermont. Of course, if you read my post from back in January about my last trip there, you'll know that I'm really not a fan. I would have liked to stay here, but Mom doesn't seem to think 17 is an appropriate age to stay at home by myself, so I have to sit in a tiny car, listening to Justin Bieber for hours on end and trying to sleep sitting up. Not fun.
August- Hopefully, I'll be able to get in a visit to Pensacola before school starts, but I'm doubting that will be possible. Maybe I'll find a way to visit the school for a bit, but that's unlikely. Whatever, I'll think of something.
September- Jameson and Veronica will be starting school again, so I won't have anyone waking me up during my sleeping hours (yay). Also, I'm going to try starting a new homeschool program, since the one I was on was practically ALL essays. I should still graduate in 2011, so I'll be able to celebrate my graduation with my class, however I won't be able to walk at graduation. I was thinking I'd get a ticket from someone, show up with a graduation cap, and throw it at the end. It will be just like how it should be, were I still in Pensacola, minus the whole walking across the stage to get my diploma thing. Fine with me, as long as I finish!
So, that was the result of my boredom. I probably would have written more, but there's only so much you can write about nothing, so I'll just leave it at that. Bye.
*This is not true. I actually have a mountain of laundry (Mt. Dirty) in my bathroom, and I have to go to the library, but let's call those minor details.
July- I'm being forced by my mother to visit my family in Vermont. Of course, if you read my post from back in January about my last trip there, you'll know that I'm really not a fan. I would have liked to stay here, but Mom doesn't seem to think 17 is an appropriate age to stay at home by myself, so I have to sit in a tiny car, listening to Justin Bieber for hours on end and trying to sleep sitting up. Not fun.
August- Hopefully, I'll be able to get in a visit to Pensacola before school starts, but I'm doubting that will be possible. Maybe I'll find a way to visit the school for a bit, but that's unlikely. Whatever, I'll think of something.
September- Jameson and Veronica will be starting school again, so I won't have anyone waking me up during my sleeping hours (yay). Also, I'm going to try starting a new homeschool program, since the one I was on was practically ALL essays. I should still graduate in 2011, so I'll be able to celebrate my graduation with my class, however I won't be able to walk at graduation. I was thinking I'd get a ticket from someone, show up with a graduation cap, and throw it at the end. It will be just like how it should be, were I still in Pensacola, minus the whole walking across the stage to get my diploma thing. Fine with me, as long as I finish!
So, that was the result of my boredom. I probably would have written more, but there's only so much you can write about nothing, so I'll just leave it at that. Bye.
*This is not true. I actually have a mountain of laundry (Mt. Dirty) in my bathroom, and I have to go to the library, but let's call those minor details.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Irritation
It's an emotion I know well. I don't usually get angry easily, but it takes far less to irritate me. Right now, however, I am beyond irritated at Blogger because it refuses to let me change my background to anything besides white. Of course, I could be wrong, and I'm the only one who can't see a background, but it's still maddeningly annoying. I'm beginning to think that all websites hate me, as I've been having a lot of problems with my internet lately. I could go get my computer looked at, because I happen to know for a fact that it's got more viruses than I get in a year (and judging by how often I'm sick, that's saying something!), but I'd rather just blame it on the websites themselves. I won't name any of the sites that have been giving me trouble, but I can name at least 3 off the top of my head. I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing any of this, other than the fact that I'm extremely bored and was on Blogger anyway, trying (that being the key word) to change the appearance.
Well, I really don't want to waste my time (haha I say "waste" like I have something better to do) writing nonsense about how I'm mad at a website, so I think I'll go make some pancakes now and try not to anyone up so I won't have to share. Good day, all, and remember: I haven't slept all night, so I can't be held responsible for any confusion you may experience while reading this post.
Well, I really don't want to waste my time (haha I say "waste" like I have something better to do) writing nonsense about how I'm mad at a website, so I think I'll go make some pancakes now and try not to anyone up so I won't have to share. Good day, all, and remember: I haven't slept all night, so I can't be held responsible for any confusion you may experience while reading this post.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Writing
Lately, I've been doing a lot more writing, and it's gotten to the point where I really want to write, but have nothing to write about. In other words, I have some major writer's block. However, there are definitely a few up-sides to my need to write. For instance, those of you who actually read this (I assume no one) have probably noticed this post's lack of the ellipses and double-punctuation that is usually common in my writing. Well, whenever I spend time writing something, I always take care to use correct grammar and punctuation, so I get used to it, and eventually my casual writing becomes a lot more refined. Don't get too excited, though, because as soon as I stop writing for a bit, it will be back to my horribly teenage way of writing. Hey, at least I don't unnecessarily repeat letterrrs likeee thisss, or tlk n txt speak. Now that would certainly get annoying, would it not?
Anyway, I'm not here to write about how much some writing styles bug me. Au contraire, I actually wanted to ask (read as beg) for ideas on what to write. I just recently finished a story, and have nothing to do but sit around, since I've read all of my books, so really any suggestions are welcome. About that story, I actually was considering putting it on here, but since it appeals to a very particular audience, I think I'll hold off.
Well, that was really all I wanted to say, since nothing happens in my life that needs to be reported, so I'll stop boring you. If you feel the need to leave me a comment, have at it. I enjoy getting e-mails about them, even if I've only recieved about 5 since I started this blog back in 2008. Oh well; I'll live. Au revoir, mon amis.
Anyway, I'm not here to write about how much some writing styles bug me. Au contraire, I actually wanted to ask (read as beg) for ideas on what to write. I just recently finished a story, and have nothing to do but sit around, since I've read all of my books, so really any suggestions are welcome. About that story, I actually was considering putting it on here, but since it appeals to a very particular audience, I think I'll hold off.
Well, that was really all I wanted to say, since nothing happens in my life that needs to be reported, so I'll stop boring you. If you feel the need to leave me a comment, have at it. I enjoy getting e-mails about them, even if I've only recieved about 5 since I started this blog back in 2008. Oh well; I'll live. Au revoir, mon amis.
Friday, March 26, 2010
New Layout
I changed my blog layout just now, as you've probably noticed...you like?? Anyway, I've been itching to write something for a while now, and I've gotten a few ideas from people, so I might post some stuff on here once I get around to finishing it...the only problem is that the story I'm working on at the moment requires me to think like a cynical teenage guy: something I am not...ah well, I'll think of something...
So really, I just felt the need to do something to this blog because I've been neglecting it for ages, so here you go...bye
So really, I just felt the need to do something to this blog because I've been neglecting it for ages, so here you go...bye
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