Party Update and Latest Poem

ok so about my party...the planning has been going pretty smoothly and according to schedule...i ordered the jack sparrow cutout off of ebay on friday, so it should be here by the end of the month...i went party decoration shopping on saturday and picked up some cool stuff (including a movie camera shaped pinata!!)...invitations went out today, and ive started getting some yeses and maybes, so turnout looks pretty good so far...i have to hand out the rest of the invitations later at church (only the school invitations have gone out)...ive had a few people literally begging for them!! ok...so i MAY have told them they would only get one if they begged, but its basically the same thing, right?? ok maybe not...haha...but yeah, the point is that people wanna go, which means that im doing my job fairly well...now if only i could be put in charge of some youth events, maybe we'd get more than 4 people coming on wednesdays!! but yeah...so invitations are checked off my extensive list of things to do, thankfully!!

as for the poem, i wrote it a few days ago in geometry because, honestly, what else am i supposed to do in that class?? it's called "Broken", a name i stole from the Secondhand Serenade song...i might give the person who guesses my inspiration a piece of candy, so pay close attention!!

Broken, by Stevie Lee

I was empty when I met you
And you made me complete
I should not have given you the power
To cut me so deep
You had my trust completely
But you abused every bit
You threw powerful blows
And ran once you hit
Every blow had a meaning
Like the very first one
You left me for him
Because I was no fun
Does the guy you just met
Mean more to you
Than the best friend who gave you
A place to run to
every time you were hurt??
Do you care anymore??
Are you just going to leave me
Broken on the floor
Calling for help
When there’s no one around
To pick up the pieces
Scattered across the ground??
Was he just that important
That you can throw me away
Like the memories we’d made together
Day after day??
I wish I could tell you
Just how much it hurts
That my best friend in the world
Has become such a jerk
But you refuse to listen
And my pleas are in vain
And im left here broken
Crippled with pain
I really hate to give up
On what I long so much to fix
But I cant seem to reach you
When your skull’s grown so thick
So for now and forever
I guess this is goodbye
But don’t think that as I write this
Im not dying inside


so yeah...guess the inspiration and get candy!! pretty sweet deal, if you ask me...well, im out for now...

Don't Even Try (also my thoughts on megan)

you wanna know what i think is hilarious?? everyone thinks they have something to hide, and when they try, they think theyre doing a pretty good job of hiding it...well, guess what!! YOURE NOT!! you all must think im either blind or a very unperceptive person because you cant try and hide the obvious from me!! when i say i know everything or that im psychic, im not entirely joking...sure, i may not know every textbook fact or be able to literally read peoples minds, but i can tell a lot about people just by reading their subtle movements or listening to the way they talk...like i can tell if someone has started an old habit and doesnt want me to know about it...cursing, for instance...just the way some people may hesitate before saying some things, no matter how small the hesitation is...or i can sense that someone may not be telling the truth...like if they pass off an illness that is supposedly severe with a wave of their hand, it probably wasnt even half as bad as they want me to believe...

i think that there are definately some things in our lives that we may not neccessarily want other people to know, but if its something stupid like the things i mentioned above, why would it even matter?? if you curse when youre in one place, but pretend not to somewhere else, isnt that pretending to be someone youre not?? isnt that something everyone tries to avoid?? i certainly thought so...

also, im going to clear the air right now about whats going on between megan and i so i dont have to keep answering stupid questions like "why hasnt megan been to church in a while??" or "have you spoken to megan lately??"...NO i have NOT spoken to her lately, NO i am NOT planning on talking to her anytime soon, NO it is NOT because she is busy with band, YES i AM cutting her out of my life, YES it DOES make me feel bad, YES it DOES hurt a bit, YES i DO almost hate her just a bit, YES she IS being a jerk, YES i DO wish i could slap her, YES the fight IS causing me a lot of stress, NO i did NOT think we were going to stop being friends anytime soon, YES i HAVE written many angry poems about her, NO i am NOT going to post them here or anywhere because YES they DO hurt and it DID hurt to have to write them in the first place, NO im NOT going to talk to her about it, YES i HAVE given up on her completely, YES i DO pray for her every night, NO there has NOT been any more improvement, YES she DOES curse now, YES she DOES have a boyfriend, YES she DOES think church, and therefore God, is a waste of ther time, YES i DO miss joking around and being happy all the time, but NO im NOT gonna start again just yet, YES i DO think im taking this seriously, and YES i DO think its the right thing to do, YES it IS sad that we were once such good friends and now i cant stand her, NO i do NOT regret what i said, YES i WAS telling the truth, and YES she DOES need to get over whatever phase shes going through, YES i DID say she wasnt ready for high school, and YES i DID mean it, and YES i still DO mean it, NO i do NOT think it is neccessary for someone to change when starting high school, and YES it IS possible to still be the same person, YES i DO think she is being immature, and YES i DO blame her entirely, YES i COULD try more to help her, and YES i COULD tell her why im so mad at her, but NO i will NOT, YES she DOES deserve this, and NO i will NOT delete any part of this post, NO i do NOT care who reads it either!!

i really wish i could say that i overreacted and be friends with her again, but i just cant because i know its not true...i was thinking about the fight a few days ago and i realized that we may never make up, and i felt really bad, but i accepted it...sure, im not as exciting as i was before, but ive just mellowed out a bit...you cant tell me at least a few people arent just a bit relieved...i regret nothing, its the philosophy that i live by, and so i dont regret telling megan the truth a few weeks back...i dont regret inviting her to my party way back when either, and im going to honor what i said, so she IS still invited, but only because i dont go back on my word without a really good reason, and i dont see the fact that we're fighting to be that good of a reason...she doesnt have to come, and she probably wont, but i dont want people saying that i never tried to help her out, because i did...oh, and she can say she loves her life right now as much as she wants, but i know she has to feel at least a wee bit bad that her former best friend practically hates her (i dont though, because hate is a strong word)...

so yeah, i dont care if she reads this, and i really dont care if anyone else reads it either, but its good to get it off my chest...

Nothing

yep...another post about nothing...dont worry, it wont be as bad as the last one!!

so yeah, today i got the details for my english "project"...its not really MY project, cuz the whole class is participating in it...we're doing this courtroom kinda thing to put Brutus and Cassius from Julius Caesar on trial for murdering Caesar...i have to be a juror, which is SO not gonna be fun...

ive made a few new videos...one is of my trip to disney world, and the other is for a history project in which i had to create a piece of propaganda for WWII...here they are:






yeah...i got a 100 on the history project, so that was cool...the first time i ever got a 100 on a project in novotnys class!! woo!!

the past few weeks have been kinda boring and eneventful...if anything important ever DOES happen (not that often), its not like i have anyone to tell about it...no offense to some of you guys, but there are some things that i just cant talk to middle-schoolers about...and normally i would call/text/facebook message megan, but as of a couple weeks ago, im unsure of our status...she hasnt answered me about that one post yet, so i can only assume that shes chosen the worse of the 2 choices...not that anyone would know what that is, since i specifically said that it was a post meant only for megan, but whatever...

so yeah, one of the things that HAS happened over the past couple weeks is that nicki and richard are in town...notice i referred to that as neither an exciting nor good thing...she has a gift for making me want to slap her, much like veronica...in fact, its worse when theyre in the same room and are conspiring against me!! so yeah, anyone want 2 sisters and a "brother-in-law"?? you can have mine!!

so umm yeah, i might as well go, since theres really nothing to write about because nothing exciting has happened other that realizing that i have a gift for improv...so yeah, ima go now...

School Update

its been a while since i wrote about school, so just thought id write something...schools been pretty boring overall...ive got 2 projects due for novotny and im reading julius caesar in english...i hate shakespeare right now...camerons on a field trip, so things arent as interesting as usual...brooke forgot her luch today...so did baileigh...poor bossos...im out of gum...darn...im eating a 3 musketeers bar...its pretty good...audreys weird...she reads weird books at lunch and we make fun of them...she'll live...we had a sub in drama and biology today...one made us do worksheets...the other made us watch a video...everyone talked during the video...a fox ate a duck...everyone screamed...novotny read a dr. seuss book...told a dude in my class not to give hepatitis to the stuffed turtle he brought in to go along with book...everyone laughed...actually did work in geometry...teacher was pleased...had to do work in drafting...bell rang before i was ready...almost late to spanish...project in spanish on mi familia...mi clase de espanol es muy aburrido, ?no?...darn computer...i cant put actual spanish symbols into my blog...have to make due without them...thats why there are 2 right-side-up question marks and no tilda in that spanish sentence...says my spanish class is boring, no??...dunno why i asked since you obviously dont know if my class is boring or not...think ill film my history project over the weekend...has to do w/ nazis and jews...need actors...im bored...school is boring...hope i bored you to death with this post...

Decisions

in life, decisions are unavoidable, whether theyre helpful or not, and there are many times in our lives where we have to face decisions that are, pardon the very cliche phrase, life or death...it has come to my attention that a very good friend of mine has reached one of these all-important occurrences in her life, and i think it's about time she made a decision...ok, unlike a very similar post i put on here a few months ago, im not even going to bother with any stupid code names or anything, so yes megan this is about you...if anyone else is reading this, you can just stop right now cuz she was somehow offended by a remark i put in my last post that didnt even use her name, so i deleted it...id rather not have to delete a whole entry, so if you would kindly just skip this one passage?? thank you...

as i was saying, you now have a choice to make, but im not going to make it too too hard on you...im not going to force you to quit band or anything because A) even though i hated it, you seem to like it for some odd reason and although i have almost zero tact, i would never strip someone of something they really cared about, and B) i have no influence at all over any of your decisions so even if i had wanted you to quit (trust me i dont!! i really could not care less about your extracurricular activities!!), you wouldnt have listened to me...so anyway, back to your options...theyre actually quite simple and straightforward: you can either find some kind of balance in your life between your current status and your love for God, or you can just forget about Him altogether...im not trying to sound like some bible nut or anything, but it even says that He'd rather you loved Him or you hated Him; there is no in-between!! dont get me wrong, i mean im not saying you dont love God or anything like that...im just saying that He only asks that you spend a bit of your time each day thinking about Him and what He's done for you...if you cant even take ONE DAY A WEEK from your busy schedule to show other people that you care for Him, i hardly doubt youre going out of your way to show Him!! and trust me, this is NOT just about me anymore...sure, it stung a bit when you first stopped going cuz that was the only time we ever hung out, but i got over that quickly enough, and now youre lucky that i care at least enough to stop you from giving up entirely on your faith...

i think that probably one of the things that ticks me off the most is that we've witnessed this kind of thing in other people, but you cant seem to see it in yourself...or if you do, youve obviously chosen not to act upon it!! like a certain person we know who stopped coming to church after her first mission trip for reasons i never really understood...maybe she wasnt really as committed to God as she claimed to be; i have no idea, but the fact is that it happened, and its happening again...you even compared her to "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns...you would think that you could at least see part of that in you, but i guess not...also, remember last summer when another certain person we know decided she wasnt going to go on the mission trip because she just didnt enjoy it anymore?? i remember getting into quite a heated discussion on the matter because we both knew it was wrong to go on a mission trip just for the enjoyment of the trip...but now you seem to have the same mind set as she had!! i have a direct quote from a texting conversation we had a few weeks ago in which you clearly stated that "church isnt something i enjoy anymore"...sound at all familiar??

i think it takes a lot of nerve to go from dissapproving of someones behavior to acting just like them!! its so hypocritical, and i can honestly say that hypocrisy is something that i can not, under any circumstances at all, tolerate...im not going to say im perfect, because im far from it, as you can probably tell by the fact that my overall careless facade has quite obviously cracked, but i will say that im no hypocrite when it comes to stuff like this!!

finally, i want to end by saying that this could well be one of the most important decisions of your life...i dont usually show my emotions, so you know this has to be something big, at least in my mind!! again, your choices are an equal balance, or just stop even claiming to be a member at PBBC because last time i checked, you had to show up to be a member...and before you make that decision, try to take into account whether you can stand to lose God AND your "best friend" all at once, because if He goes, i go...

chew on that while youre slowly fading away

Spring Break

so spring break is next week, and im gonna be forced to either stay in a hotel room w/ my parents for a week or go camping for a couple nights...can someone just shoot me now?? see, we might be going to Virginia to look at houses for when we move in august, which im ok with cuz my dad is horrible at choosing houses, but i would hafta stay in the same room as them the whole time...if i cant stand being in the same HOUSE as these people, how am i gonna share the same ROOM?? not to mention the same BATHROOM!! im gonna DIE!! ive been trying to convince them to get 2 rooms, but they dont wanna pay for even 1 room...see, we can only go if dad can get the people in charge to pay for the whole trip, but they would only pay for 1 room, which doesnt work for me...of course, they really should pay for 2 rooms cuz the maximum number of people who are supposed to be allowed in a room is 4, and there are 5 of us, but NOOOOOOOOOO!! they cant pay for another room...that would be TERRIBLE!! why should they abide by the rules set forth by the hotel?? so yeah, if we dont end up going to virginia, mom wants to go camping or something so danny will be happy, but they wont let me stay by myself so id either have to go with them or stay at someones house...i hate camping and i can only deal w/ people for so long...like a couple of hours...sure, if its for something ill enjoy, like a mission trip, i can do it, but if its just so my family can go camping, no...so yeah thats my spring break...sucks, huh??

This Sucks

ok, so since recruiting my commissioning team, Grace and Shawna, we've been coming up with quite a few ideas for activities to do with the youth group before i have to leave and go to (ew) Arkansas...so anyway, we have a list of things we could do, but the problem is that our youth pastor doesnt want to do anything!! see, every summer we go on a mission trip to kentucky, but this year, they've decided not to do it because the brains of the trip have "retired" from planning the trip...they're getting a bit old to do it, so the torch has passed along to the youth pastor...of course that would mean changes in just about every part of the trip, but none of us expected to not be able to go altogether!! its not that theres a lack of interest...people come out of the woodwork once we start meetings!! but this man is saying that he wants to "take some time off" from the mission trip so that we can do stuff here in pensacola, which admittedly IS a good idea, but couldnt we do both?? you know, have a few more fundraisers, plan projects around the trip...its pretty obvious that we could do it...we always work harder when it comes time to do something we'll enjoy, so as long as we plan things that we can do without the use of much money, we could be a really active youth group!! and my team and i are more than willing to put things together if the men in charge dont really feel like planning things, which is probably a big part of not going to kentucky...they arent the most reliable people when it comes to getting things done...so yeah, i really think we should start DOING something and not just saying we are, because thats happened way too many times in the past few months...its actually been happening since i moved here in 2006!! i remember very clearly a meeting we had with the youth during my first few months here where we basically just planned whatever we wanted to do in the youth group that year, including multiple theme park visits and a few nursing homes and such...none of which actually happened...im not saying that we should go to amusement parks every few weeks or anything, but im just saying that we need to do SOMETHING fun, as well as something that will help other people...seriously the last thing we did as a group that was fun besides anything that has to do with the mission trip was when we went tubing on the day before school started in 2007...yeah, my FRESHMAN YEAR!! that was so long ago i didnt even have my glasses yet!! i mean sure we DID go bowling sometime around last christmas but we only played like 3 games and about 1/2 the people that went tubing actually participated...something NEEDS to be done, and i think most people in the youth would agree with me...i know of at least 2 people who have just stopped coming to church altogether because of 2 things, one being the "incident" on the way back from the mission trip last summer, and the other being the fact that we DONT DO ANYTHING!!
you know, now that i think about it, could what happened last summer have anything to do with this whole stupid idea of not doing the mission trip?? do they want to stifle any other "revolts" we might be planning against them?? i know last summer was a pretty controversial time, but thats no reason to make not only the youth here, but also the ones in Kentucky, suffer!! what some certain people were thinking back then was totally justified...so justified, in fact, that my father and i actually AGREED on the fact that it was justified!! so why are we not going this year?? are we EVER going?? that trip is what most teens both here and in Kentucky look forward to every summer...so yeah, we really need to think about the kids up in Kentucky...are we REALLY going to deprive them of what may be the only bit of the gospel they hear all year because we dont FEEL like going?? its not like we're UNABLE to!! so yeah, just marinate on that for a bit...peace