you wanna know what i think is hilarious?? everyone thinks they have something to hide, and when they try, they think theyre doing a pretty good job of hiding it...well, guess what!! YOURE NOT!! you all must think im either blind or a very unperceptive person because you cant try and hide the obvious from me!! when i say i know everything or that im psychic, im not entirely joking...sure, i may not know every textbook fact or be able to literally read peoples minds, but i can tell a lot about people just by reading their subtle movements or listening to the way they talk...like i can tell if someone has started an old habit and doesnt want me to know about it...cursing, for instance...just the way some people may hesitate before saying some things, no matter how small the hesitation is...or i can sense that someone may not be telling the truth...like if they pass off an illness that is supposedly severe with a wave of their hand, it probably wasnt even half as bad as they want me to believe...
i think that there are definately some things in our lives that we may not neccessarily want other people to know, but if its something stupid like the things i mentioned above, why would it even matter?? if you curse when youre in one place, but pretend not to somewhere else, isnt that pretending to be someone youre not?? isnt that something everyone tries to avoid?? i certainly thought so...
also, im going to clear the air right now about whats going on between megan and i so i dont have to keep answering stupid questions like "why hasnt megan been to church in a while??" or "have you spoken to megan lately??"...NO i have NOT spoken to her lately, NO i am NOT planning on talking to her anytime soon, NO it is NOT because she is busy with band, YES i AM cutting her out of my life, YES it DOES make me feel bad, YES it DOES hurt a bit, YES i DO almost hate her just a bit, YES she IS being a jerk, YES i DO wish i could slap her, YES the fight IS causing me a lot of stress, NO i did NOT think we were going to stop being friends anytime soon, YES i HAVE written many angry poems about her, NO i am NOT going to post them here or anywhere because YES they DO hurt and it DID hurt to have to write them in the first place, NO im NOT going to talk to her about it, YES i HAVE given up on her completely, YES i DO pray for her every night, NO there has NOT been any more improvement, YES she DOES curse now, YES she DOES have a boyfriend, YES she DOES think church, and therefore God, is a waste of ther time, YES i DO miss joking around and being happy all the time, but NO im NOT gonna start again just yet, YES i DO think im taking this seriously, and YES i DO think its the right thing to do, YES it IS sad that we were once such good friends and now i cant stand her, NO i do NOT regret what i said, YES i WAS telling the truth, and YES she DOES need to get over whatever phase shes going through, YES i DID say she wasnt ready for high school, and YES i DID mean it, and YES i still DO mean it, NO i do NOT think it is neccessary for someone to change when starting high school, and YES it IS possible to still be the same person, YES i DO think she is being immature, and YES i DO blame her entirely, YES i COULD try more to help her, and YES i COULD tell her why im so mad at her, but NO i will NOT, YES she DOES deserve this, and NO i will NOT delete any part of this post, NO i do NOT care who reads it either!!
i really wish i could say that i overreacted and be friends with her again, but i just cant because i know its not true...i was thinking about the fight a few days ago and i realized that we may never make up, and i felt really bad, but i accepted it...sure, im not as exciting as i was before, but ive just mellowed out a bit...you cant tell me at least a few people arent just a bit relieved...i regret nothing, its the philosophy that i live by, and so i dont regret telling megan the truth a few weeks back...i dont regret inviting her to my party way back when either, and im going to honor what i said, so she IS still invited, but only because i dont go back on my word without a really good reason, and i dont see the fact that we're fighting to be that good of a reason...she doesnt have to come, and she probably wont, but i dont want people saying that i never tried to help her out, because i did...oh, and she can say she loves her life right now as much as she wants, but i know she has to feel at least a wee bit bad that her former best friend practically hates her (i dont though, because hate is a strong word)...
so yeah, i dont care if she reads this, and i really dont care if anyone else reads it either, but its good to get it off my chest...
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