Songs I'm Currently In Love With

yeah, so ive been listening to a lot of music lately, and i thought i'd share some of my favorite songs with you guys...theyre in no particular order, and NO they are NOT all Hawk Nelson songs!! haha ok, so heres my list:

• Lucy by Skillet
• Fireflies by Owl City
• Long Ago by Hawk Nelson
• Shaken by Hawk Nelson
• Yours To Hold by Skillet
• If My Heart Was A House by Owl City

so yeah, those are my favorite songs at the moment, but ive been listening to quite a few others...pretty much anything by any of the artists mentioned above...

i just thought i'd share, since my last post wasn't really about anything other than costumes...i remember when i used to post on here every day!! of course, that was when i first made this blog, so the circumstances are a bit different than they were back then...

oh, and by the way, i might try to find a way for my posts to stop being automatically uploaded to facebook, so if anyone actually reads those things, you might have to come to the site to read them...

but yeah, thats all i really had to say...bye

COSTUMES ARE FUN!!

ok so im just gonna come right out and say it: this blog sucks!! i never write anything interesting, so no one reads it...but this week i had a conversation with a friend about spirit week and costumes and how i don't actually HAVE a spirit week, and i thought "why not wear costumes around the house, and then post pictures online??" i mean, home-schooled people need to have some fun too, right?? so ive decided that every week (or month; i havent really decided yet), im going to pick a theme and dress up in a related costume (and maybe my brother and sister, too)...

also, depending on the number of people who actually read this (im guessing 1?? maybe 2??), i might have some kind of contest for each week's (or month's) theme...i think that constitutes as fun, right?? who doesnt like dressing up in costumes?? so yeah, maybe it just sounds fun in my head; i dont know, but i think im gonna do it...ill decide by Friday so i can get everything planned and advertised in time for halloween...so yeah, just keep checking here for updates!!

Mysophobia...

...otherwise known as germophobia, is the fear of germs or being contaminated with germs...you would think that someone with this illness wouldn't want anyone touching their stuff, right?? well then why do people come into my room, touch my clothes, sit on my bed, move stuff around, and release all kinds of bodily gasses into my breathing air?? ive made it quite clear over the years that im mysophobic, but no one seems to want to respect that...you may think that its a lifestyle choice that i can control, but if you've ever had a phobia or any kind of mental illness, or even an addiction, you should know that it is completely out of my control...i cant just NOT think about the germs that are all over people and that are floating around in the air or forming colonies on every surface in the house...its basically a part of my genetic makeup; my brain has been programed to think this way, and i cant help it...

what i don't get is why its so hard for so many people to respect that i don't want their germs on me...in most cases, its nothing personal (you'll know if its personal cuz ill tell you), but i just don't like germs...i usually will give people instructions on how not to give me a heart attack when they're around me, so theres really no excuse for anyone not following the simple guidelines i give them...here are some basic ones:

1. wash your hands
2. if you touch my computer, spray it with Lysol afterwards
3. use hand sanitizer
4. dont touch my food
5. dont touch my clothes
6. sit on one of the many chairs i have in my room, NOT on my bed
7. put the cover down on the toilet before you flush it
8. dont touch my personal supply of cups
9. cover your mouth/nose when you sneeze/cough/burp and use hand sanitizer or wash your hands afterwards
10. leave the room to release any other bodily gasses (im not one of those immature people who will make a big deal out of it; i just dont wanna breathe it in)

i think a lot of these should be pretty standard as far as hygiene goes, to be totally honest...sure, some of them may seem a bit excessive (like the cups), but to me, it sounds completely normal...

also, i would like to point out that CLEAN and NEAT/ORGANIZED are completely different things...CLEAN is a mysophobe's best friend...it's like the absence of germs, or at least a majority of them...NEAT is when everything is in its place...most people seem to think that its hypocritical of me to have an unorganized room and call myself mysophobic, but i would like to point out that everything in my room is CLEAN, even the floor...trust me, i make sure of that...if i have a clean blanket on a clean floor, it doesn't mean my room is dirty; it means my room is unorganized...

i just thought id share this since SOME people have decided that my mental health is of no importance recently and have been breaking every single one of my rules (i only listed the 10 basic ones)...i just wanted to make sure everyone was clear on the fact that i hate germs and that im prone to panic attacks when i become contaminated with other people's germs...

Update

so im gonna try to post weekly updates from now on...i've been neglecting this blog lately, so i figure i should probably put more content on here if i expect the 1 or 2 people who actually read it to KEEP reading it!! haha so yeah, here's everything i did this week:

SUNDAY: we still haven't chosen a church, so i slept in...i don't think i did anything else...oh yeah, i helped veronica with a project that was due the next day...oh, and my dad disowned peter (not forever)

MONDAY: i woke up early and went to a pto meeting at danny and veronica's school...i figure if i help out with events and stuff, i can put it all on my college resume

TUESDAY: dad left for a trip and wont be back until friday...i ate lunch at the school (pizza sticks=YUM!!) and was had a bunch of 5th graders answering every question i asked my sister...they were very interested in our conversation, i guess...after school, we left for our first girl scouts meeting, but it was cancelled, so we went to danny's back-to-school night instead

WEDNESDAY: veronica and danny stayed home from school, so i was stuck with them all day...nothing interesting happened...oh, and i watched GLEE

THURSDAY: nicki and richard were here with baby jordan...i listened to the baby cry all day and made fun of nicki every time she had to change his diaper...richard watched shows about cars all day, so he was no fun...

FRIDAY: veronica and danny had a doctor's appointment, so afterwards we all went out to lunch, where the waitress made a big deal out of how cute she thought jordan was...the food was actually really good, so i forgave her...then, we went to the grocery store, where the only person who cooed at jordan was the check-out girl...we came home and dad was back from his trip...he sat us all down for a meeting about how he's being deployed at the end of january, and how richard should join the military (he was GREATLY opposed to that idea, though)...he talked about how nicki and richard should come live with us while he's in iraq, but they still have to think about it...later, after nicki, richard, and jordan left, the rest of us played apples to apples, and now im on the computer

so yeah, that was my week...i might post another update tomorrow night about how my saturday went, but it'll probably be really boring, so there's really no need...

i know everyone's probably wondering what jordan looks like, so i'll try to post the one picture i have of him sometime soon...the next time they visit, ill try to make a video or something, too...

so that's pretty much everything i have to say...until next time, then

My Top 5 Favorite Movies

ok, so ive been watching a lot of movies lately, so i figure why not let you guys know which ones are worth watching...well, in my opinion at least...

1. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (starring Michael Cera and Kat Dennings)

Nick, a guy who's just been dumped by his girlfriend meets his ex's friend, Norah, at a club where his band is playing, and they sort of hit it off...they spend all night together running around new york trying to find their favorite band, "Where's Fluffy"...while Nick tries to get some information on his last girlfriend from Norah, she has been infatuated with him since before they even met, due to her love of the many mixed tapes he's been sending to his ex, Tris, who's been giving them to Norah...after a full night of chaos and love-hate relationships, will Nick end up with Norah, this girl he just met, or Tris, his obsession for the past six weeks??

2. She's All That (starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachael Leigh Cook)

After Zach Siler, the senior class president and most popular and "best-looking guy in school," is dumped by his equally popular girlfriend, Taylor, he agrees to a bet with his friend, Dean, that he can make any girl in the school prom queen in 6 weeks...the catch: Dean gets to pick the girl!! After a bit of humorous debate, he chooses Laney Boggs, the school's resident art geek, who is described as "scary and inaccessible" and who is, furthermore, not interested in Zach...but eventually, he gets her to go out with him...before she is officially introduced to the school as his Taylor Vaughn replacement, though, she needs a makeover, and it works!! things seem to be going fine until Dean "accidentally" lets it slip that Laney was just a bet between him and Zach, causing friction between the whole cast...of course, Laney doesn't know that despite the whole bet thing, Zach's fallen in love with her...will he be able to tell her before she leaves the prom with Dean, who doesnt care a bit about Laney, or will Zach step in and save the day??

3. 10 Things I Hate About You (starring Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles)

Cameron, the new guy in school, is immediately infatuated with Bianca Statford upon arrival to his new school, and would do anything to go out with her...of course, its common knowledge that she isnt allowed to date, so when she reveals that her father has allowed her to start dating when her older sister, Kat, does, Cameron quickly devises a plan to get Kat a date...he chooses the creepiest guy in school, Patrick Verona, but he wont ask Kat out without a monetary bribe, so Cameron tricks the school's rich kid, Joey, who ALSO happens to like Bianca, into bribing Patrick...everything is going well until Bianca chooses Joey over Cameron and Kat finds out about the bribe...will any of them get their happily ever afters??

4. Spaceballs

A classic Star Wars parody that's just too chaotic to explain...

5. Juno (starring Michael Cera and Ellen Page)

A young girl gets pregnant with the weird kid's baby and struggles to be a normal teenager and find a good home for her unborn child at the same time...when friction is created between the happy couple who is to recieve Juno's baby, there seems to be no hope for the baby inside her...will all these problems be resolved, or will Juno have to take care of her baby herself??

so yeah, number 5 is debatable, but those are my 5 favorite movies...sorry i got a bit lazy with the descripuions later on, but can you really blame me when ive been up since 6:30pm yesterday?? so yeah, hopefully ill have an update on school soon, but until i can get registered, theres really nothing to tell...until next time (probably in like 15 months, but hopefully not!!), bye

MissonLab New Orleans

ok, so this year the PBBC youth group changed it up a bit and went to New Orleans for the mission trip instead of Canadatown...we participated in a sports camp at Calvary Baptist Church, where we taught the Bible lessons all week...i, of course, was worn out every day from singing and dancing to each class, but it was still pretty fun...there was a bit of tension within the group a few times during the week, but everything was eventually resolved by the end of the week...we even had a member of our team get saved!! so yeah, i was in charge of the slideshow, and even though i had a few technical difficulties causing me to be unable to get the video to the church in time, i've put it up on youtube, so people can watch it independently...

Part 1
Part 2

hope you all enjoy!!

The Mission Trip

im not speaking for everyone in this post, so PLEASE dont all start complaining about everything im about to say, ok?? this is just ME speaking, no one else...of course, if anyone else feels the same way, i would encourage you to make your opinion known...we should all have the freedom to express our feelings on matters that directly involve ourselves...just thought i'd put that out in the open so you'd all know that this won't be an exceptionally pleasant post...i'll try to do one of those next, since i haven't really been posting anything pleasant for the past 6 months or so...

first of all, i want to point out that i have gotten very few straight answers about anything in the past few weeks, so if anything i may reference about any of the mission trips i've been on or will go on is false, it's because i was never given a real answer and had to do my own research to find even the smallest bit of information on the subjects...im saying that because i dont want people coming up to me later and telling me that they told me something different from what they actually said...i have a good memory for these types of things, so dont try to feed me lies because i can tell when people are lying quite easily...

now, i'd like to start my rant by reminding you all of the children in Canadatown...you cant honestly tell me you've never gotten attached to at least one of them!! we all know that some of those kids aren't as close as others to coming to know Jesus Christ, so our work is hardly done there...in my opinion, it never will be!! as long as the people up there keep having children, there will always be someone to teach the gospel to!! this is why i don't think it's right that we never even got a chance to say goodbye to all of them...most of them were still under the impression that we were going up there this year until very recently!! and as attached as we've gotten to them, they've gotten just as equally attached...it just doesn't seem right to me to just stop going up to Canadatown without any explanations!! sure, some people are carrying on the tradition and doing the VBS thing without the help our our youth group, but it still seems wrong for us to not at least say goodbye...i am fully planning on going to Canadatown at my own expense next year with or without the church to at least explain why we never showed up this year, but it would help if i had a bit of a following...phil and jimma and everyone are fun, but they can't really accurately relate to the younger kids on their level, you know?? how does a 20-something-year-old relate to a 3rd grader?? i think that it would be great to carry on the tradition as a youth group, but if that's impossible, i'll gladly go alone or with a few people and stay in a hotel, just to say goodbye...i hate open-ended relationships with people...i HATE losing touch because of something that is beyond my control!! ive done it too many times to willingly sit back and watch it happen again!! i will gladly do all the planning and find adults who are willing to supervise if it means we can say proper goodbyes...i know planning probably has a lot to do with the change in mission location this year anyway!! i mean, lets face it!! our youth leaders arent exactly the best at planning ahead!! we started this years fundraisers TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE TRIP for goodness sake!! there was a reason we've always started in February before, you know!! but yeah if anyone is interested on hearing more or helping plan for that trip (YOU MUST COMMIT TO PLANNING!! DO NOT JUST GIVE UP BECAUSE YOU LOST INTEREST!!) then you should definitely let me know...i know how long it takes to plan these kinds of things, and we wouldn't want to wait until the last minute and have everyone pay for gas out of their own pockets or anything...

now, about this year's trip...it sounds like fun, and it would be a great opportunity if there weren't so many distracting problems with it...first of all, and i know this really shouldn't be THAT big of a deal but somehow it is in my mind, the dorms are basically one big room with 3 bunk beds and one bathroom...i actually had to do research to figure that out since i was only given half of the information...as it turns out, there is ONE shower, ONE sink, and ONE toilet for FIVE girls...if it were guys, that might work, but we had about that many girls in the Canadatown dorms, and it got crowded with THREE toilets, showers, and sinks!! and its not like everyone can just take showers at night, because everyone would have to stay up and wait for their turn in the bathroom while the people who take showers in the morning are trying to sleep!! trust me, i NEED that sleep if people expect me to be enjoyable to be around, ok?? im about 3 seconds away from coming up with some kind of bathroom schedule just to try to calm down the rush of people who will be in the bathrooms in the mornings!! in my research i found that there was an option to get 2-3 person rooms, each with their own bathrooms for about $26 extra per person...i mean, really?? why wouldn't we be able to pay that if we'd started fundraisers earlier??!! it seems like a lot less stress on our parts if you ask me...

continuing with the subject of this year's trip, i want to comment on the whole "Sports" element of it...has anyone else realized that approximately 3.5 hours a day and 15 hours of the entire week will be spent playing sports, while only 6 hours of the week will be spent on lunch, crafts, and Bible Study??!! i assumed that a mission trip was supposed to be mainly about GOD and the BIBLE, not sports!! yeah, i get that kids need to exercise, but aren't their spiritual needs a bit more important than their physical needs?? we could have at least done something like Drama, where we could have acted out Bible scenes and such...at least they would be learning!! i just wish that more effort had been made to try and find out what our group would have preferred doing...i mean, i cant be the only one who's not at all fond of sports!! of course, if i bring it up to anyone higher up on the youth leadership ladder, they'll insist that they DID ask, but if they ever did, it was in passing or was put off until the end of wednesday night bible study, when everyone is itching to leave and it never had a chance of being discussed!! we should have had a meeting at some point so that the youth could have been part of the mission planning process, because im sure im not the only one with strong opinions in the group!! we could have sat down and listed the pros and cons of every possible area of missions work, and came up with one that we could all agree on, because if there had been a meeting, i DEFINITELY would not have supported the sports camp idea!! i just don't see how it ties in with the general conception of missions work!! i'm all for fun and games, but there has to be a time to be serious too, and i DONT think 1/3 of an hour and a half is enough time to truly focus on God with these kids!!

finally, id like to touch on another insignificant detail in this year's trip...in the packet given to us explaining the rules of the MissionLab, we were given lists of places to eat and things to do in New Orleans, but lets be honest!! WHEN are we ever going to be allowed to do any of it??!! sure, we have 3 hours of free time 3 times a week, but we also need a chaperon to go with us, so unless we can find an adult who won't mind going on a swamp tour at 7pm (i dont even know what time they stop the tours!!) or to the mall with a bunch of tweenage and teenage girls, i DONT think any of that is going to happen...so why give us a list of stuff we can't do?? i just thought it was a bit unnecessary...

so yeah i hope i've gotten my message across!! i just don't want the opinions of the youth to take a backseat to the preferences of the youth leaders...we are the youth, so we should have a voice in the decisions made about what the youth is expected to do!! im sure if we all really want to do something, we could work hard and make it a reality...if we made committees for planning and fundraising, we might be able to realize some of the ideas we've had in the past for fun things to do with the youth...and once the regular youth start getting involved, others are bound to follow!! no one wants to be a part of a group that never takes into account the thoughts of its members, so no one is actively participating in anything we're doing (which is, in my opinion, a whole lot of nothing!!)...i would be glad to have a larger part in the goings-ons of the youth group, but until we actually HAVE a youth group (and by that i mean a group of youth who want to participate and give their opinions), that can never happen!! its sad, but its true...unless we want a youth group consisting of 3-5 regulars who really arent so regular when you think about it, we need to start listening to ideas and ACTING on them!! i have plenty of low-to-no-cost ideas that i could give, but i want them to be taken seriously, and not just heard, then dismissed!!

like i said before, im gonna try to post some more pleasant things later on, so dont let this post depress you TOO much...until next time, im signing off

Grr...My Frustrations

ok, if you dont want to read a really long post about everything thats been irritating me over the past few weeks, skip this post...if you really want to read it, go ahead, but im going to warn you right now that youve probably done something mentioned in this post before, and youre not gonna like what i have to say about it...im feeling extremely opinionated today, and i do NOT need people crying over the fact that ive been mad at them at some point...and before anyone asks, NO THIS IS NOT ANOTHER MEGAN POST!! im dealing with that in a different way now, so these frustrations are simply things that ive noticed about people in general and how theyve irked me...so lets begin, shall we??

1. why do people need to be told not to do something more than once?? i honestly dont get it!! its not like it requires any physical effort!! its not like im telling them to DO something!! if youre running, and i tell you to stop, shouldnt it be a relief to stop running?? its not like im telling you to run...does that make any sense?? its just that it shouldnt take any effort to stop doing something that doesnt need to be done...i mean, if it's something like smoking, sure, i can see how it might be hard to stop because the nicotine in the cigarettes is addictive, but if im telling you to stop observing me and reporting everything i say and/or do to my parents, shouldnt it be easy to stop?? i mean, sometimes i get mad about something, and i feel that i should share the fact that im mad with the facebook community so they dont accidentally cross my path at the wrong time, causing me to lash out uneccessarily at them...does that give them a right to ask about it?? i mean, its my problem, right?? no theirs?? so why in the heck do people ask??!! its not your problem!! dont worry yourself with it!! i understand that some people LIKE to know whats going on in peoples lives so they can "help" them, but i dont want people trying to "help" me!! the only person who can get through MY problems is ME...if im mad at snakes, what are you gonna do?? kill them all?? good luck!! i just dont want people butting into my life...i post those statuses for YOUR SAKE!! so you DONT get me more fired up than i already am!! thats why i write that i dont want you asking about it!! im not "being mean" ok?? im WARNING you!! wouldnt you want to KNOW if i was about to blow up at anyone who annoyed me with their trivial nonsense and wannabe psychoanalytical garbage??!! im not trying to be mean, but when im ticked off about something, i dont really want to hear your hypotheses...more than that, i dont really CARE what your opinions are!! it sounds rude, but it's the truth!! you have no idea what im going through in my life, and i dont know whats happening in yours, so lets just keep it that way!! and i REALLY dont need people alerting my parents whenever i get mad over a stubbed toe and decide to write about it on facebook, ok?? they dont need to know EVERY DETAIL OF MY LIFE!! they should KNOW that im not writing anything on there that i wouldnt say out loud in their presence!! i never say ANYTHING online that i wouldnt say to someones face if i had the chance!! spying on my statuses is NOT ok with me, and i dont know anyone who WOULD be ok with that!! its not that i dont want people reading them, its just that people dont need to take EVERYTHING so seriously!! its like saying that i hate steak is an insult to whoever i say it to!! if you think telling my parents that im mad isnt gonna bother me, you have some serious issues to work out, because no one on the planet wants people reporting everything they do to someone else...if youre insulted by whatever i say, thats your problem, ok?? i dont say things to personally attack people, i say them because they need to be said!! i would hate for people to go on in life thinking that they were model Christians when they didnt even have the decency to think about whether or not someone would be bothered by someone spying on them...im pretty sure the "model Christian" shouldnt be spying on people in the first place!! if it's none of your business, then butt out!!

2. why do people think that all Christian music needs to contain the words Jesus, God, savior, messiah, etc.?? isn't Christian music defined as any music that is written with Christian morals?? isn't there a difference between singing ABOUT God and FOR God?? i mean, even secular artists can sing ABOUT God!! they can sing about how much they think He sucks, but aren't they still singing ABOUT Him?? i think that Christian music should be anything that is being written or performed in order to praise Him!! who CARES if the song is just about something random like dancing??!! if the band consists of CHRISTIAN ARTISTS with CHRISTIAN MORALS, shouldn't they be considered to be CHRISTIANS?? take Hawk Nelson, for example...i absolutely HATE it when people say they're not Christian because not every one of their songs is about God...have you ever met them?? do you know what their morals are?? if i were to ask you to name one song of theirs that was offensive to Christians, could you?? i certainly couldnt!! who are you to judge the faith of four guys who just want to perform their music in the name of Jesus?? in fact, im almost positive that its a SIN to doubt the faith of another!! am i right?? its not like theyre doing anything WRONG!! theyre just singing!! since when is it wrong to sing about dancing??!! just because every line doesnt say "Jesus is my savior," that does NOT mean theyre not Christian!! just because the music has a beat and its not some 200 year old hymn, that doesnt mean its BAD!! i just think that people need to stop doubting the faith of most Christian bands!!

3. does anyone really know what the word "random" means?? to be random is to be without definite aim, purpose, or method...so why do people apply the word to themselves for no apparent reason?? the most predictable people are always saying that they're random, even when they've never done anything even remotely random...for a person to be considered random, you would think they would have some kind of habit of blurting out completely unrelated thoughts or something, right?? i just don't understand why everyone calls themselves random!! if everyone really were random, normal conversations would be practically nonexistent, wouldn't they?? it just seems like everyone always starts their "about me" sections on their profiles on various websites with something along the lines of "so yeah, i'm pretty random!!" without really explaining how they came to such a conclusion...

CORN!!

see, THAT is random...it came from nowhere, and was therefore devoid of aim, purpose, and/or method...how is commenting on something after its already been brought up in conversation being random?? cuz thats basically what people consider to be random...just throwing that out there

4. why do people always comment on how they have like "# whole items" or whatever?? are they implying that everyone else has parts of the items?? like commercials are always boasting how you can get "2 whole DVD's for only $19.95!!"...how are they gonna send you half a DVD?? OF COURSE THEY'RE WHOLE!! cant they just say "2 DVD's"?? i couldnt tell you why, but it irritates me SO MUCH!!

5. just thought i'd let everyone know that megan's boyfriend, yamire, is a jerk...i hope she tells him i said that, too...

6. i really dont like the movers who've been here since monday...they packed up all the shoes...i needed those shoes for the mission trip...i was forced to buy a new pair...they also left a bunch of stuff near my bed unpacked, even though it all followed the guidelines of what they were able to pack...i was mad...oh, and they blocked off every entrance to every room before they left, making it impossible to roam around the house...i hate moving with a passion...i will be something close to relieved when the dumb moving truck gets here on thursday...even though im gonna lose my bed, at least i wont have to deal with them ever again and all these dumb boxes will be gone!! i cant believe i even survived 2 days!! if it werent for Breaking Dawn, i probably would've died of boredom!!

7. WHY do people constantly ask me if im still going on the mission trip this summer?? havent i been SAYING i was going since last year?? also, why would i have shown up to the car wash on saturday with only a day's notice and openly expressed my less-than-thrilled attitude toward being there in the heat that early in the morning if i wasnt determined to go on this trip??!! YES its true that i cant go if we dont earn the money, but thats the only thing that might hinder my decision...what bugs me most is that the same people ask me like 50 times each, many of which are in the same day!! like ive really changed my mind in the past 10 minutes!! wouldnt it be easier to ask like once every 2 months up until the trip, and then once like 2 weeks from the trip?? i just find it unecessary to ask every day!! of course, the bigger concern is why are we JUST NOW starting fundraisers like 2 weeks before the trip??!! theres a reason we've always started in february in years past, you know!! i just think its a bit of a sign that you're unprepared when you start planning something you've known about for months 2 weeks before it happens...i stand by what i said saturday about not paying for a trip that i cant go on because of the price...its irrational, and if the lack of planning is the cause of my not being able to go, i dont think i should HAVE to pay for it...maybe thats just my opinion, but i know of at least 3 or 4 people who agree with it...


so yeah, those are pretty much my biggest irritations at the moment...so now you know that when i seem a bit snarky, its nothing personal...im just really frustrated by something that whatever you said probably reminded me of, ok?? so when my facebook status or whatever says that im mad, DONT INVOLVE YOURSELF AND YOU WONT GET YOUR FRAGILE, SENSITIVE LITTLE FEELINGS HURT!! keep in mind that im rarely ruffled by anyones sarcastic or insensitive comments, so i dont understand what you people freak out about whenever i use said comments...if you have a problem with the way i speak to you, no offense is ever intended; i just think of whatever would offend me, and i dont say that stuff...i cant think of everything that might offend someone because, lets face it, some people are just irrationally sensitive about the smallest, most inconsequential things!! ive dealt with overly sensitive people before, and i try to avoid them like the plague now, so if you happen to be one of them, it would be best if you would just not say anything to me when my status says that im angry because i WILL snap at you...its in my nature to stay angry when im angry, and i need to be by myself to calm down because people irritate me the most when im already irritated...so PLEASE take this entry as a hint and leave me alone when i seem even the slightest bit miffed (you can tell by the clenching of my jaw, the glaring murderously at everything in sight [yes thats a Midnight Sun quote], or the snarky/sarcastic tone of my voice) and approach me only when im showing signs of possible friendliness (unemotional face or slight smile, eyes open wide or closed completely, or staring off into space thoughtfully)...keep in mind that just because im quiet, that doesnt mean im mad, but you should probably look for the other signs just in case...

now that thats off my chest, im signing off...ill try to post more often, but the most eventful thing happening in my life presently is my aggravation with the movers so yeah...bye

Different or Dead??

ok so ive said in multiple past posts that ive finally given up on the whole megan situation, but i promise its legit this time!! i just thought i should get some of the last bits of anger off my chest...so ive been trying out some new life philosophies lately, and ive found a few that i like...for example, i try not to regret anything (so far i dont), and i try not to be a hypocrite (not many problems there either, but to say there were none would be hypocrisy)...however, the whole "forgive and forget" thing?? SO not working for me...like, at all!! as much as i try to forgive megan for everything shes put me through, i cant...i mean, its not something stupid like going to escambia instead of west florida this time (we had a pretty heated arguement about that one...not pretty...)!! shes basically saying that she doesnt care about God anymore and thats UNACCEPTABLE and INEXCUSABLE!! i mean, HE GAVE YOU LIFE!! and the LEAST you can do is show up to church and listen for an hour every sunday, but she cant even do THAT!! even HYPOCRITES manage to do at least that!! shes not even TRYING anymore!! see, i can read her a lot better than she thinks i can...i know her well enough to be able to tell basically what shes thinking most of the time, and i could tell she was getting a bit distant after last year's mission trip...ANYONE could tell THAT!! but when everyone else seemed to have let it go, we were two of the small few who held onto our anger...as time passed, so did the vast majority of my frustration with the leaders of our youth...but megan didnt let it go...the whole "K-Town Fiasco" had turned her off to the whole idea of going to church and being led by men who had slandered 4 youth and 3 older men, one of the youth being her own brother...i understood that she wouldnt want to be a part of that, but i figured she would get over it...of course, when she didnt get over it, i was a bit worried...she stopped coming to church, first on wednesdays because of band practice...later, AFTER band practices on wednesdays were done, she still didnt come, which alerted me to the fact that she may just be avoiding the youth group as a whole...then, she stopped coming sundays unless she had nursery...eventually, she was taken off the nursery list and no one ever saw her at church...of course, i was still talking to her a bit outside of church, bugging her about not going, even though i knew it would help...our phone calls got shorter and less frequent, until all we did was text occasionally, mostly on sunday mornings when i bugged her about coming to church...i knew she was avoiding the subject because as soon as i confronted her with anything she would stop replying to my texts, knowing i would send more texts badgering her to answer, because ive never really been one to do that kind of thing...also, i had picked up on the fact that she may have started using not-so-Christian language behind my back...it was the way she hesitated before saying some things and looked at me everytime a curse word popped up in a song we may have been listening to, leading me to believe that she may have almost (or accidentally) slipped and said it when i wasnt looking...i even got a controversial text from her where a certain letter in a certain acronym supposedly did not stand for the word that i knew it stood for based on prior knowledge of the acronym...either way, she was hiding something from me...of course, we all know how well megan hides things from me...i DID figure out that she was my secret partner AND what she got me last summer during the mission trip...so when i finally had had enough and blew up at her, what does she do?? SHE calls ME a liar!! she gets mad because i told the truth!! shes read most of my blog entries about her, and shes gotten mad at every one of them...even though they are basically redundant in that there isnt any new information in any of them...they're all pretty much wordier versions of the text i sent her in february blowing up at her...

so the real reason for this post is NOT to retell my story for the umpteenth time...actually, its to finally reveal the TRUE outcome of my ordeal...while everyone keeps asking me how we're not friends anymore since we were so close and why she doesnt come to church anymore, i find it bewildering that nobody knows the answer already...then, i realize that no one else knows my real stance on the subject...see, to you guys, megan is the same person, just a bit different...

well, i have other views...see, to me, she hasnt changed!! to me, shes dead...

the old megan that i used to hang out with and who used to finish my sentences (and vice versa) is dead, and some freaky new girl has taken her place...someone who has completely different views from my megan and who doesnt even know i exist...someone who ive never met, and who i dont intent to meet anytime in the near future...someone who has no idea how idiotic shes being because she's never known any other way of life...

thats why i dont simply say "oh megans just not here today" or "megan and i are fighting"...no, i say that we shouldnt expect her back and that shes gone completely, because like i said, shes dead to me...its like she doesnt even exist anymore...and yeah, it hurts to think of my best friend as dead, but it would hurt even more to know that shes still there, but she just doesnt care anymore...so please respect my mourning and dont bring her up too often...its not everyday that your best friend dies, ok?? so show some respect...

also, i never really knew exactly how much i depended on having someone there to do stupid stuff with and talk until 5am about nothing...i never knew how much i depended on having someone there who understood the inner workings of my mind to think along the same lines as me and stop me before i acted on any of the dumber things...how much i depended on not being by myself all day every day...i cant stand being around people unless i have someone else just like me to converse with...i cant be my usual bubbly self because its no fun unless theres someone there to laugh at how excited i get over everything...i cant go to any concerts because making those kinds of memories with other people seems wrong since they could erase all my older memories...i cant do any crazy stuff without someone there to hold the camera while i talk stupidly into it...i cant listen to certain music because its no fun without someone else there to dance to it and mess up the lyrics...i cant even THINK about where ill go to school if i have to come back down here for my last semester of school...its even hard to write in this blog because of its origins and the fact that i only have (had) 1 regular viewer...

i want so much to be able to say sorry and get on with my life, but i honestly believe that i have nothing to say sorry for, and that even if i did, theres no one to say sorry to...there isnt even a headstone i can talk to because shes only dead to me...its like the whole chunk of my life that included megan has just disappeared and ive been in a coma and now i have to adjust to life again since ive been asleep so long...

i want so much to forgive her, but i cant...i cant forgive anyone for giving up on God, of all things...she didnt even come for me, which adds insult to injury...its sad because we started out the same...we were saved around the same time, we were baptised within 5 minutes of each other, we both went to sunday school and church on both sundays and wednesdays...we used to have discussions at 3am about certain passages in the bible and how they related to us...we would read passages out loud over the phone...we both went on the mission trip twice, and we worked in the same grade both times...after the first time, we were inseparable...we did everything together...we grew in Christ together, but somehow she slipped away before we were done growing...we were almost exactly the same in terms of lifestyles outside of school...but she was the first to fall off the wagon...

i dont know how the idea ever got into my head, but i guess i was always under the impression that if a problem was meant to be solved, it would resolve itself...i was wrong...shes still dead, and im still angry...she hasnt even tried to apologize, and i have yet to succeed in forgiving her...how can i not be able to forgive the person who planned out her whole wedding to nick jonas and even promised to let me be the maid of honor??

i know its horrible to hold grudges against dead people, but i cant help it...im so angry at her for everything, and im angry at myself for not being able to get over it...

if, somewhere down the road, we end up friends again, i hope she reads this and knows what she put me through, and i hope that she regrets it and sees how stupid it was...

if you read this, yeah im still mad...but an apology would help...

Summer

so its summertime, and i dont know whether i should be happy or sad...it feels great to be doing nothing and know that i dont HAVE to do anything, but its also a bit weird because i keep expecting the vacation to end and ill be back at school...i havent even emptied my bookbag yet because its like i need to make sure im not going back!! its also kinda sad because its my very last year in public schools since ill be homeschooled next year...believe it or not, i (the one who hates school and who has frequently begged to stay home) didnt want to leave on friday...i stayed in the classroom for 20 minutes talking to everyone and thinking about how after i saw past all the work-related stress, the school year had actually been really fun...i almost cried as i walked away for the last time because i knew it was my last day there as a student...i spent another ten minutes walking around campus and taking pictures, but the one i really wanted to take i couldnt take because there were two retards making out right in the way of my shot...im gonna miss it...i cant wait for next year when i get to sneak in during lunches and pep rallies, even if i cant say hi to all my old teachers (i dont want them reporting me after i told them all i was moving...not a smart move...)

so since school let out and ive gotten all (or most) of my tears out of the way, ive been doing basically nothing...i watch movies and listen to music until 4am, then i sleep till 5 or 6pm...its not the most exciting summer break ive ever had, but at least im getting enough sleep...my favorite song right now is "Can't Break Thru" by James Bourne, formerly of Busted...i know its about a relationship, but it kind of fits my life right now...well, one aspect of it anyway...its about how he's given up on a relationship thats been broken and how he wont say he's sorry because he didnt do anything...he talks about how it hurt at first, but now hes "let go in every way"...everyone should listen to it...

Can't Break Thru

isn't it good?? i fell in love with it the first time i heard it, which was like a week ago...sure, theres a not-so-great word in the second verse, but in my mind, i just replace it with yelling

so yeah, i dont know why i even wrote this post because its kind of pointless...all you've learned is that i kind of miss school and that i love a song...how informative!! but yeah...im kinda done because theres nothing else thats even remotely interesting happening in my life right now...bye

Party Update and Latest Poem

ok so about my party...the planning has been going pretty smoothly and according to schedule...i ordered the jack sparrow cutout off of ebay on friday, so it should be here by the end of the month...i went party decoration shopping on saturday and picked up some cool stuff (including a movie camera shaped pinata!!)...invitations went out today, and ive started getting some yeses and maybes, so turnout looks pretty good so far...i have to hand out the rest of the invitations later at church (only the school invitations have gone out)...ive had a few people literally begging for them!! ok...so i MAY have told them they would only get one if they begged, but its basically the same thing, right?? ok maybe not...haha...but yeah, the point is that people wanna go, which means that im doing my job fairly well...now if only i could be put in charge of some youth events, maybe we'd get more than 4 people coming on wednesdays!! but yeah...so invitations are checked off my extensive list of things to do, thankfully!!

as for the poem, i wrote it a few days ago in geometry because, honestly, what else am i supposed to do in that class?? it's called "Broken", a name i stole from the Secondhand Serenade song...i might give the person who guesses my inspiration a piece of candy, so pay close attention!!

Broken, by Stevie Lee

I was empty when I met you
And you made me complete
I should not have given you the power
To cut me so deep
You had my trust completely
But you abused every bit
You threw powerful blows
And ran once you hit
Every blow had a meaning
Like the very first one
You left me for him
Because I was no fun
Does the guy you just met
Mean more to you
Than the best friend who gave you
A place to run to
every time you were hurt??
Do you care anymore??
Are you just going to leave me
Broken on the floor
Calling for help
When there’s no one around
To pick up the pieces
Scattered across the ground??
Was he just that important
That you can throw me away
Like the memories we’d made together
Day after day??
I wish I could tell you
Just how much it hurts
That my best friend in the world
Has become such a jerk
But you refuse to listen
And my pleas are in vain
And im left here broken
Crippled with pain
I really hate to give up
On what I long so much to fix
But I cant seem to reach you
When your skull’s grown so thick
So for now and forever
I guess this is goodbye
But don’t think that as I write this
Im not dying inside


so yeah...guess the inspiration and get candy!! pretty sweet deal, if you ask me...well, im out for now...

Don't Even Try (also my thoughts on megan)

you wanna know what i think is hilarious?? everyone thinks they have something to hide, and when they try, they think theyre doing a pretty good job of hiding it...well, guess what!! YOURE NOT!! you all must think im either blind or a very unperceptive person because you cant try and hide the obvious from me!! when i say i know everything or that im psychic, im not entirely joking...sure, i may not know every textbook fact or be able to literally read peoples minds, but i can tell a lot about people just by reading their subtle movements or listening to the way they talk...like i can tell if someone has started an old habit and doesnt want me to know about it...cursing, for instance...just the way some people may hesitate before saying some things, no matter how small the hesitation is...or i can sense that someone may not be telling the truth...like if they pass off an illness that is supposedly severe with a wave of their hand, it probably wasnt even half as bad as they want me to believe...

i think that there are definately some things in our lives that we may not neccessarily want other people to know, but if its something stupid like the things i mentioned above, why would it even matter?? if you curse when youre in one place, but pretend not to somewhere else, isnt that pretending to be someone youre not?? isnt that something everyone tries to avoid?? i certainly thought so...

also, im going to clear the air right now about whats going on between megan and i so i dont have to keep answering stupid questions like "why hasnt megan been to church in a while??" or "have you spoken to megan lately??"...NO i have NOT spoken to her lately, NO i am NOT planning on talking to her anytime soon, NO it is NOT because she is busy with band, YES i AM cutting her out of my life, YES it DOES make me feel bad, YES it DOES hurt a bit, YES i DO almost hate her just a bit, YES she IS being a jerk, YES i DO wish i could slap her, YES the fight IS causing me a lot of stress, NO i did NOT think we were going to stop being friends anytime soon, YES i HAVE written many angry poems about her, NO i am NOT going to post them here or anywhere because YES they DO hurt and it DID hurt to have to write them in the first place, NO im NOT going to talk to her about it, YES i HAVE given up on her completely, YES i DO pray for her every night, NO there has NOT been any more improvement, YES she DOES curse now, YES she DOES have a boyfriend, YES she DOES think church, and therefore God, is a waste of ther time, YES i DO miss joking around and being happy all the time, but NO im NOT gonna start again just yet, YES i DO think im taking this seriously, and YES i DO think its the right thing to do, YES it IS sad that we were once such good friends and now i cant stand her, NO i do NOT regret what i said, YES i WAS telling the truth, and YES she DOES need to get over whatever phase shes going through, YES i DID say she wasnt ready for high school, and YES i DID mean it, and YES i still DO mean it, NO i do NOT think it is neccessary for someone to change when starting high school, and YES it IS possible to still be the same person, YES i DO think she is being immature, and YES i DO blame her entirely, YES i COULD try more to help her, and YES i COULD tell her why im so mad at her, but NO i will NOT, YES she DOES deserve this, and NO i will NOT delete any part of this post, NO i do NOT care who reads it either!!

i really wish i could say that i overreacted and be friends with her again, but i just cant because i know its not true...i was thinking about the fight a few days ago and i realized that we may never make up, and i felt really bad, but i accepted it...sure, im not as exciting as i was before, but ive just mellowed out a bit...you cant tell me at least a few people arent just a bit relieved...i regret nothing, its the philosophy that i live by, and so i dont regret telling megan the truth a few weeks back...i dont regret inviting her to my party way back when either, and im going to honor what i said, so she IS still invited, but only because i dont go back on my word without a really good reason, and i dont see the fact that we're fighting to be that good of a reason...she doesnt have to come, and she probably wont, but i dont want people saying that i never tried to help her out, because i did...oh, and she can say she loves her life right now as much as she wants, but i know she has to feel at least a wee bit bad that her former best friend practically hates her (i dont though, because hate is a strong word)...

so yeah, i dont care if she reads this, and i really dont care if anyone else reads it either, but its good to get it off my chest...

Nothing

yep...another post about nothing...dont worry, it wont be as bad as the last one!!

so yeah, today i got the details for my english "project"...its not really MY project, cuz the whole class is participating in it...we're doing this courtroom kinda thing to put Brutus and Cassius from Julius Caesar on trial for murdering Caesar...i have to be a juror, which is SO not gonna be fun...

ive made a few new videos...one is of my trip to disney world, and the other is for a history project in which i had to create a piece of propaganda for WWII...here they are:






yeah...i got a 100 on the history project, so that was cool...the first time i ever got a 100 on a project in novotnys class!! woo!!

the past few weeks have been kinda boring and eneventful...if anything important ever DOES happen (not that often), its not like i have anyone to tell about it...no offense to some of you guys, but there are some things that i just cant talk to middle-schoolers about...and normally i would call/text/facebook message megan, but as of a couple weeks ago, im unsure of our status...she hasnt answered me about that one post yet, so i can only assume that shes chosen the worse of the 2 choices...not that anyone would know what that is, since i specifically said that it was a post meant only for megan, but whatever...

so yeah, one of the things that HAS happened over the past couple weeks is that nicki and richard are in town...notice i referred to that as neither an exciting nor good thing...she has a gift for making me want to slap her, much like veronica...in fact, its worse when theyre in the same room and are conspiring against me!! so yeah, anyone want 2 sisters and a "brother-in-law"?? you can have mine!!

so umm yeah, i might as well go, since theres really nothing to write about because nothing exciting has happened other that realizing that i have a gift for improv...so yeah, ima go now...

School Update

its been a while since i wrote about school, so just thought id write something...schools been pretty boring overall...ive got 2 projects due for novotny and im reading julius caesar in english...i hate shakespeare right now...camerons on a field trip, so things arent as interesting as usual...brooke forgot her luch today...so did baileigh...poor bossos...im out of gum...darn...im eating a 3 musketeers bar...its pretty good...audreys weird...she reads weird books at lunch and we make fun of them...she'll live...we had a sub in drama and biology today...one made us do worksheets...the other made us watch a video...everyone talked during the video...a fox ate a duck...everyone screamed...novotny read a dr. seuss book...told a dude in my class not to give hepatitis to the stuffed turtle he brought in to go along with book...everyone laughed...actually did work in geometry...teacher was pleased...had to do work in drafting...bell rang before i was ready...almost late to spanish...project in spanish on mi familia...mi clase de espanol es muy aburrido, ?no?...darn computer...i cant put actual spanish symbols into my blog...have to make due without them...thats why there are 2 right-side-up question marks and no tilda in that spanish sentence...says my spanish class is boring, no??...dunno why i asked since you obviously dont know if my class is boring or not...think ill film my history project over the weekend...has to do w/ nazis and jews...need actors...im bored...school is boring...hope i bored you to death with this post...

Decisions

in life, decisions are unavoidable, whether theyre helpful or not, and there are many times in our lives where we have to face decisions that are, pardon the very cliche phrase, life or death...it has come to my attention that a very good friend of mine has reached one of these all-important occurrences in her life, and i think it's about time she made a decision...ok, unlike a very similar post i put on here a few months ago, im not even going to bother with any stupid code names or anything, so yes megan this is about you...if anyone else is reading this, you can just stop right now cuz she was somehow offended by a remark i put in my last post that didnt even use her name, so i deleted it...id rather not have to delete a whole entry, so if you would kindly just skip this one passage?? thank you...

as i was saying, you now have a choice to make, but im not going to make it too too hard on you...im not going to force you to quit band or anything because A) even though i hated it, you seem to like it for some odd reason and although i have almost zero tact, i would never strip someone of something they really cared about, and B) i have no influence at all over any of your decisions so even if i had wanted you to quit (trust me i dont!! i really could not care less about your extracurricular activities!!), you wouldnt have listened to me...so anyway, back to your options...theyre actually quite simple and straightforward: you can either find some kind of balance in your life between your current status and your love for God, or you can just forget about Him altogether...im not trying to sound like some bible nut or anything, but it even says that He'd rather you loved Him or you hated Him; there is no in-between!! dont get me wrong, i mean im not saying you dont love God or anything like that...im just saying that He only asks that you spend a bit of your time each day thinking about Him and what He's done for you...if you cant even take ONE DAY A WEEK from your busy schedule to show other people that you care for Him, i hardly doubt youre going out of your way to show Him!! and trust me, this is NOT just about me anymore...sure, it stung a bit when you first stopped going cuz that was the only time we ever hung out, but i got over that quickly enough, and now youre lucky that i care at least enough to stop you from giving up entirely on your faith...

i think that probably one of the things that ticks me off the most is that we've witnessed this kind of thing in other people, but you cant seem to see it in yourself...or if you do, youve obviously chosen not to act upon it!! like a certain person we know who stopped coming to church after her first mission trip for reasons i never really understood...maybe she wasnt really as committed to God as she claimed to be; i have no idea, but the fact is that it happened, and its happening again...you even compared her to "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns...you would think that you could at least see part of that in you, but i guess not...also, remember last summer when another certain person we know decided she wasnt going to go on the mission trip because she just didnt enjoy it anymore?? i remember getting into quite a heated discussion on the matter because we both knew it was wrong to go on a mission trip just for the enjoyment of the trip...but now you seem to have the same mind set as she had!! i have a direct quote from a texting conversation we had a few weeks ago in which you clearly stated that "church isnt something i enjoy anymore"...sound at all familiar??

i think it takes a lot of nerve to go from dissapproving of someones behavior to acting just like them!! its so hypocritical, and i can honestly say that hypocrisy is something that i can not, under any circumstances at all, tolerate...im not going to say im perfect, because im far from it, as you can probably tell by the fact that my overall careless facade has quite obviously cracked, but i will say that im no hypocrite when it comes to stuff like this!!

finally, i want to end by saying that this could well be one of the most important decisions of your life...i dont usually show my emotions, so you know this has to be something big, at least in my mind!! again, your choices are an equal balance, or just stop even claiming to be a member at PBBC because last time i checked, you had to show up to be a member...and before you make that decision, try to take into account whether you can stand to lose God AND your "best friend" all at once, because if He goes, i go...

chew on that while youre slowly fading away

Spring Break

so spring break is next week, and im gonna be forced to either stay in a hotel room w/ my parents for a week or go camping for a couple nights...can someone just shoot me now?? see, we might be going to Virginia to look at houses for when we move in august, which im ok with cuz my dad is horrible at choosing houses, but i would hafta stay in the same room as them the whole time...if i cant stand being in the same HOUSE as these people, how am i gonna share the same ROOM?? not to mention the same BATHROOM!! im gonna DIE!! ive been trying to convince them to get 2 rooms, but they dont wanna pay for even 1 room...see, we can only go if dad can get the people in charge to pay for the whole trip, but they would only pay for 1 room, which doesnt work for me...of course, they really should pay for 2 rooms cuz the maximum number of people who are supposed to be allowed in a room is 4, and there are 5 of us, but NOOOOOOOOOO!! they cant pay for another room...that would be TERRIBLE!! why should they abide by the rules set forth by the hotel?? so yeah, if we dont end up going to virginia, mom wants to go camping or something so danny will be happy, but they wont let me stay by myself so id either have to go with them or stay at someones house...i hate camping and i can only deal w/ people for so long...like a couple of hours...sure, if its for something ill enjoy, like a mission trip, i can do it, but if its just so my family can go camping, no...so yeah thats my spring break...sucks, huh??

This Sucks

ok, so since recruiting my commissioning team, Grace and Shawna, we've been coming up with quite a few ideas for activities to do with the youth group before i have to leave and go to (ew) Arkansas...so anyway, we have a list of things we could do, but the problem is that our youth pastor doesnt want to do anything!! see, every summer we go on a mission trip to kentucky, but this year, they've decided not to do it because the brains of the trip have "retired" from planning the trip...they're getting a bit old to do it, so the torch has passed along to the youth pastor...of course that would mean changes in just about every part of the trip, but none of us expected to not be able to go altogether!! its not that theres a lack of interest...people come out of the woodwork once we start meetings!! but this man is saying that he wants to "take some time off" from the mission trip so that we can do stuff here in pensacola, which admittedly IS a good idea, but couldnt we do both?? you know, have a few more fundraisers, plan projects around the trip...its pretty obvious that we could do it...we always work harder when it comes time to do something we'll enjoy, so as long as we plan things that we can do without the use of much money, we could be a really active youth group!! and my team and i are more than willing to put things together if the men in charge dont really feel like planning things, which is probably a big part of not going to kentucky...they arent the most reliable people when it comes to getting things done...so yeah, i really think we should start DOING something and not just saying we are, because thats happened way too many times in the past few months...its actually been happening since i moved here in 2006!! i remember very clearly a meeting we had with the youth during my first few months here where we basically just planned whatever we wanted to do in the youth group that year, including multiple theme park visits and a few nursing homes and such...none of which actually happened...im not saying that we should go to amusement parks every few weeks or anything, but im just saying that we need to do SOMETHING fun, as well as something that will help other people...seriously the last thing we did as a group that was fun besides anything that has to do with the mission trip was when we went tubing on the day before school started in 2007...yeah, my FRESHMAN YEAR!! that was so long ago i didnt even have my glasses yet!! i mean sure we DID go bowling sometime around last christmas but we only played like 3 games and about 1/2 the people that went tubing actually participated...something NEEDS to be done, and i think most people in the youth would agree with me...i know of at least 2 people who have just stopped coming to church altogether because of 2 things, one being the "incident" on the way back from the mission trip last summer, and the other being the fact that we DONT DO ANYTHING!!
you know, now that i think about it, could what happened last summer have anything to do with this whole stupid idea of not doing the mission trip?? do they want to stifle any other "revolts" we might be planning against them?? i know last summer was a pretty controversial time, but thats no reason to make not only the youth here, but also the ones in Kentucky, suffer!! what some certain people were thinking back then was totally justified...so justified, in fact, that my father and i actually AGREED on the fact that it was justified!! so why are we not going this year?? are we EVER going?? that trip is what most teens both here and in Kentucky look forward to every summer...so yeah, we really need to think about the kids up in Kentucky...are we REALLY going to deprive them of what may be the only bit of the gospel they hear all year because we dont FEEL like going?? its not like we're UNABLE to!! so yeah, just marinate on that for a bit...peace

Poetry

hey hey hey!! check out my amazing poetry on moontowncafe.com so you can read/comment it!! ok, so its not amazing, but im tired of posting stuff and nobody commenting on it, so could you do me that little favor?? my account is under Dunnfan14 but you might be able to find me under my name...idk...if not, just look for some of my poems: Incomplete, Goodbye, Where'd You Go??, I'm Right Here (no relation to last poem mentioned)...so yeah, enjoy!!

Please Please PLEASE Let Him Be Serious!!

ok just like a half hour ago my dad was all "if u guys wanna stay here and send me up to arkansas thats fine with me!!" so i was all "oh HECK yes!!"...hopefully by now, after all thats happened between myself and my father, you can somewhat sense my excitement at this...so anyway, he followed this statement by adding "if it was only for a year, it would be fine, but 2 years?? problem..." so i was thinking...why dont i stay here for another year?? i mean, ill still be homeschooled cuz, lets face it, i just cant wake up in the mornings!! but if i WERE here for another year, i could at least see my friend more than once a week like i had planned!! plus, it would give me another year to practice my driving before i had to drive from arkansas to florida every weekend!! i honestly am LOVING my new plan...another plus is that i could have a cat!! finally!! after about 4 years w/o a cat in my life, i could have one!! the only reason im not allowed to have one now is beacuse my dad hates animals, but if he were in arkansas, that wouldnt be a problem now would it?? yet ANOTHER pro for this situation is that i would never have to start a new school again!! unless you count college, but i dont...i mean, if i like homeschooling, ill stick with it, but if i dont, i can always try to get back into west florida...i obviously cant do that if im in arkansas!! also, what i think is one of the best things about this scenario is that by the time we would have to go to arkansas, i would be 17...for those of you who dont know, almost every one of my siblings has moved out at the age of 17, which automatically gives me the choice too, right?? and if i have the choice, whos to say i cant live here?? this would mean that i will NEVER HAVE TO MOVE AGAINST MY WILL AGAIN!! EVER!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! just THINKING about it makes me want to burst with joy!! do you know how long ive been waiting for this day!!?? FOREVER!! oh i really really REALLY hope he wasnt joking!! I MIGHT GET TO STAY IN FLORIDA!!

Live Web Chat

ok people ive been thinking of starting either a series of youtube vids or a web chat every couple weeks or something, but i need opinions on the matter...for instance, i would feel weird doing it by myself, so there has to be someone else involved...anyone interested in being my assistant?? it will basically just be a way to keep everyone updated on my random ideas for my "job" as youth group commissioner and to get more ideas from people...its like a way to connect the youth without actually being in the same room...my hope is that other people who want to be involved in the youth more actively will get accounts on blogger or youtube or justin.tv so that they can express their feelings on what grace and myself are going to improve the youth group...dont get me wrong, im not trying to copy that stupid nick show, icarly, or anything!! this isnt nearly as stupid or random and i really dont care how many people see it, its just to get what i gotta say out there, so comment and tell me what u think!!

WinterJam

okay so winterjam wasnt NEARLY as fun as the year before last (my very first winterjam)...first, we had to wait in line for like EVER, which i dont really mind, but still...then, we couldnt find any good seats, and the only good ones we found were "taken"...the reason i use quotation marks is because the whole night we didnt see anyone sitting there after we asked the people in the surrounding seats if they were free, to which they answered yes...it sucked and i was mad because when hawk nelson finally came on, we were forced out of our seats by some security dude!! then, when we found new seats, ANOTHER security dude comes up and is all "ur not supposed to be here" so we had to move again!! this happened like 3 times before we finally gave up and sat behind the stage...it was horrible because it only happened during the part of the concert i wanted to see the most!! how much crap do i have to put up with just to see hawk nelson??!! so anyway, after the whole thing was done, megan and i planned on getting yet another autograph from the guys (this would be like my tenth!!) but NOOOOOOOOOOO!! instead, mr. killjoy, aka my youth pastor, was all we have little kids w/ us that need to get home...who brings toddlers to a CONCERT!!?? it was hardly a place for KIDS!! PLUS, the "youngsters" didnt even ride in the same vehicle as us, so i think dude just wanted to get outta there...and probably the worst thing was that daniel biro wasnt even at the autograph table, and we brought jaren!! overall, the whole night was kinda sucky, but the good kind of sucky cuz it was kinda fun in a sucky way, ya know?? so yeah...the only cool thing about the night was that we think we saw daniel biro in the elevator...heres the vid:

Friday the 13th

well, todays friday the 13th and the first thing i thought when i woke up was "crap somethings gonna catch fire today" because i have a traumatizing memory from friday the 13th a few years ago...see i had just gotten out of school and my sister picked me up...she needed to get something from the place where she worked at the time, so we decided to stop by the barber shop (her workplace) before we went home...sounds simple huh?? of course, so you can imagine our surprise when we pull up to the intersection by the shop and see a multitude of fire trucks near a thoroughly blackened building and a short, weeping asian woman by the wreckage...apparently, mrs. young's barber shop caught fire earlier in the day and now poor little mrs. young was out of work...this has taught me to be very VERY careful on friday the 13th...id really rather nothing burned down today!! but so far, nothing horrible has happened to me today(knock on wood!!) except that the strap on the cami i was gonna wear today broke and all my gum fell out of the pack and into my bookbag...i was only able to find 4 pieces, one of which was covered in pencil shavings...so yeah i am hoping hoping HOPING that nothing bads gonna happen!! on a side note, i am quite excited about going to winterjam on sunday because i will FINALLY get my "gangster picture" with hawk nelson...exciting, huh?? plus this will be my 1st concert in like 8 months, which is totally unacceptable!! i shouldve been to a concert long before now because that is when i enjoy myself the most...who WOULDNT like being in a room full of loud sweaty people screaming at the top of their lungs?? so yeah thats gonna be FUN!! yeah...well ima go charge my camera now but ill try to write later...

Can You Say TOURETTES??

oh my frickin crud i was so freaked out this morning!! it all started in drama when my friend, who shall remain nameless, and i were discussing my friend's problems with her family, her dad in particular...well, literally out of nowhere, the guy sitting behind her (we'll call him bob for 2 reasons: A) i dont remember his real name and B) i probably shouldnt put his name on the web in this context even if i did know it) completely flipped out!! he pushed the desk away from him with quite a bit of force, stood up, and screamed "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??!!" at my friend...she promptly reminded him that he wasnt exactly part of our conversation, but he ignored her, asking the same question twice more...when someone finally decided to come to our rescue and tell the crazed lunatic to calm down, the tourettes victim began a series of "STAY AWAY FROM ME!!"s...thats when someone ran out to get the teacher...about time, people!! of course, it didnt end there...the crazy guy, drooling all over the place, picked up this huge textbook and held it over his head...if he had thrown it at someone, which we all thought he would, i definately would have screamed, but luckily i didnt need to because he settled for slamming it on the desk...he then proceeded to run down the aisle between mine and my friend's desks, waving his arms madly and screaming unintelligably, and out the door...we heard him yelling all the way down the hall to the nurse's office...when the teacher finally came in after escorting him to the clinic, he decided he may as well not even try to extinguish the rumors because he knew theyd erupt anyway...instead he said "we're not going to ignore what just happened because obviously we cant"...apparently dude was all freaking out cuz his grandmother had just died (my friend had mentioned her grandmothers funeral earlier in the class period, but had said nothing even mildly offensive, so his reason for flipping out is still a mystery) and his spaz out was due to his grief which had been set off by the conversation between my friend and myself...i was shaking the rest of the period cuz i was pretty much paranoid that he would show up in class with a gun or something...it was so insane!! it doesnt even sound real!! i wouldnt even believe it if i hadnt been there myself...the really sad part is that it was all kind of funny in a sick twisted kind of way...i mean what would you do if some weird kid sitting less than 2 feet away from you completely flipped for no apparent reason?? you would either be terrified or doubled over with laughter!! so yeah, just thought id share that freaky little bit of my day...remember, if the weird kids sitting near you while youre having a conversation, you should probably just pass notes!! this has been A Few Words of Advice and An Anecdote With Stevie Lee...tune in next time for the drama room shooting...of course, thats IF i make it out alive!!

Being Sick

ima just come right out and say it: being sick sucks!! i mean sure, i get to lose a bunch of school, but wheres the fun in that if im sneezing and coughing every 5 seconds?? i had to go to the doctors today and they gave me all this medication that i have to take...the only good thing about it is that i get to take pills instead of that nasty liquid crap that seems to be the only thing we have at the house!! yeah anyway it sucks...AND tomorrow is fcat, so unless i take the makeup test later, i have to go to school, and i HATE taking makeup tests...its so akward cuz theres like nobody there when you take it...of course, the fcat might be different but still...i just really wanna go to sleep but i cant cuz its only 5:48...ugh being sick is so complicated!! plus, i can never just have one thing wrong with me now can i?? no!! instead, i have A) the common cold, B) a weird "carbuncle" (an ugly boil-pimple-like thing) on the back of my neck that POPPED (which is DISGUSTING, by the way!!), AND C) my head and back hurt like crap...ive used up 3 boxes of tissue and now my nose is all red and i cant touch it w/o it getting all sore and junk...its the 21st century, people!! just come up with a cure for the common cold already so i can get on with my life and only have to deal with the stupid neck thing!! im probably boring the 2 people who might actually read this, but i have to get it off my chest somehow...i dont have a diary, so this is the next best thing, i guess...so if i have bored you to the point of insanity, you can either A) go off on your merry way after having 15 minutes of your precious life wasted by this aggravated ranting, B) comment on it telling me how bored (or entertained if youre some kind of freak) you were by my aggravated ranting, or C) think of something else to do cuz i only thought of 2...so yeah ill shut up now...bye